Sunday, March 28, 2010


First Match: Tag Team Titles - Big Show and Miz defend against John Morrison and R-Truth.

These four are fighting each other for no reason that I know of. Show punched Morrison and got the pin in like 4 minutes. *1/2.

Triple Threat: Randy Orton against Ted DiBiase against Cody Rhodes.

So these guys all used to be friends, then DiBiase and Rhodes got sick of Orton and Orton thought DiBiase and Rhodes were jackoffs. So Rhodes and DiBiase attack Orton week after week, and this Triple Threat match is made for 'Mania. It was Rhodes and DiBiase beating on Orton for about five minutes, then they fight over who gets to actually beat Orton. So Orton kicks their asses, then he pins DiBiase after an RKO. **1/2.

Money in the Bank: Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Evan Bourne vs. MVP vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Matt Hardy vs. Kane.

So there's ten guys, all with nothing else to do on this show, and a briefcase hanging from the roof. The object is to use a ladder to grab the briefcase. Inside the briefcase is a guaranteed Championship match for whenever you want. Literally. Former winners have cashed this thing in after the current Champion is beaten to a pulp, laying in the middle of the ring.

Anyways, after complete madness, Jack Swagger managed to grab the briefcase for the win. It was about 10-15 minutes long and all hell broke loose. ***1/2.

HHH vs. Sheamus

They went a good ten minutes, HHH made Sheamus look good, then HHH outsmarted him at the end with the Bret Hart: "act hurt, then explode" strategy. HHH with the pedegree for the win. **1/2.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

Now the idea with CM Punk is he's a guy who preaches the "straight edge" lifestyle. So he goes around saying you shouldn't smoke, drink, do blow, drop acid, etc. So naturally this makes him a bad guy. And what he has are two followers; this girl named Serena, and this big mofo named Gallows. And the stipulation of this match is if Rey Mysterio loses, he has to join CM Punk's group.

After about 10 minutes of fast, solid action, Mysterio got the win and kept his freedom. This implies that Rey Mysterio is a drug addict, I suppose, but they never touched on this. ***.

No Holds Barred: Vince McMahon vs. Bret Hart

So google "Bret Vince Montreal" for the story leading up to this match. What happened here was Vince comes out with all of the surviving members of the Hart family, saying they're going to surround the ring for this match, and Bret's brother Bruce is going to be the referee. The idea is Vince paid off the entire Hart family in another attempt to screw Bret.

Bret knew that Vince would do this however, so he told the Harts to take Vince's money and play along up to the start of the match. Vince, realizing that he's surrounded by about 15 people who want to rip his head off, shits himself. Bret attacks, beats the holy hell out of Vince (slowly, and understandably), hits him with a steel chair about 16-17 times, lets his family all take shots at him, then puts him in the sharpshooter for the win and finally closing the door on a 13 year unresolved feud. Match-wise though, only about *.

Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho defends against Edge.

Edge and Jericho were partners, Edge got hurt, Jericho picked a new partner and trash talked Edge the entire time. Edge came back, pissed off, and won the Royal Rumble, giving him a title match at 'Mania. He naturally picked Jericho as his opponent.

Match went about 15 minutes and was again, solid. After some heel tactics, Jericho hit Edge with the championship belt, then nailed his finisher, The Code Breaker, for the win. ****.

Then the Divas had a match. I didn't really pay attention.

WWE Championship: John Cena challenges Batista.

Cena and Batista have good matches with each other. They trained together and have mastered this new overall style the WWE has. The new style is that whole "high impact, yet safe; trade finishers until one guy has nothing left;" as opposed to the old style of "brawl through the crowd for five minutes, heel controls inside the ring for five minutes, face controls for five minutes, then a finishing sequence." This was the Steve Austin Main Event. Now we have the John Cena Main Event. And Batista is his best opponent because they can perfectly trade the impact moves back and forth.

So they go about fifteen minutes, hit each other with everything they've got, until Batista had to tap out to the STF. Cena wins the WWE Championship, ****.

Then Cena found a group of people in the front row, all with "I Hate Cena" T-shirts and he went and posed with them. I laughed.

Main Event: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker

So the deal here is that Undertaker has never lost at Wrestlemania. He's 17-0. Last year, he beat Shawn Michaels. Shawn became obsessed with the idea of being the first guy to beat Undertaker at Wrestlemania, so he kept trying over and over to get the match, and Undertaker said no. So last month, Shawn causes Undertaker to lose the Heavyweight Title to Jericho, leading to Undertaker finally accepting Shawn's challenge. However - Undertaker makes Shawn put his career on the line. So we've got Career vs. Streak.

Last year, these two had a match that was ***** and probably the best WWE match this decade. They had essentially the same match, but it was still phenomenal. Undertaker hit the tombstone, Shawn kicked out. Undertaker stood over Shawn, told him to stay down, Shawn got up, told Undertaker to finish it, then he slapped him. Undertaker then hit a GIANT Tombstone and put Shawn down for good. ****1/2.

Shawn waved to the fans and walked off for possibly the last time, ending about a 25 year career. If this really was his last match, he went out with a great one.

Overall, this was probably a top five Wrestlemania. Tomorrow at work I'll amend this to figure out where it belongs.

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