Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Random thoughts vol. 2

   I don't know what the Browns should do at QB.  I really want to believe that Colt McCoy can be the answer, but that might just be foolish, irrational reasoning at this point.  There are a ton of good QBs in this upcoming draft, and we won't have to pay a billion dollars to get one because of the new Collective Bargaining Agreement. So maybe it will be good to get a stereotypical 6'4" QB with a laser rocket arm.
   I do think a nice alternative though is to draft a quality RB (i've stated previously I'm okay with LeMichel James and Peyton Hillis in the backfield next year). We also need another WR and some Oline help.  If we have enough early picks to sneak another DB in there, that's good too.
   But if the Browns can't get it right in this offseason, than I'm not sure they ever will.  By all rights, they have the office staff to do it, and they have a solid base of talent to add too (Thomas, Mack, Haden, D'Qwell, D-Line). This is partly why I hope they don't take a QB early this year, I want to see those early picks used on talent to help this team this year.  We've seen around that league this year that rookie QBs can step in and work right away, so we don't have to pick one this year to 'develop' them.  We can wait another year until we're good and then grab one to fill in.

Nothing much to say about the Indians or Cavs right now.

Ohio State should fire Gene Smith as Athletic Director.  He wanted to 'reward' the current seniors by letting them play in this bowl game when he should have self imposed a bowl ban this year when they are 6-6.  Now, the NCAA instituted a bowl ban for next year when OSU could play in the Big 10 championship game under Urban Meyer.  This was a horrible decision by Smith and he cost the Buckeyes a possible BCS bid next year because they will be that good under Meyer.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Random thoughts vol. 1

Was the trade for Baron Davis the best deal ever made?  Maybe not, but since was just released because of the amnesty clause, it certainly seems like it.  Let's quickly review the important details of that trade.

Cavs trade Mo Williams and a bag of balls to the Clippers for Baron Davis' huge contract and their first round draft pick.  Davis has $27 million gaurenteed dollars left on his contract, but because of the new CBA's amnesty clause, the Cavs get some kind of relief from all that money.  On top of that, we got out from under Williams contract and secured a lottery draft pick, the one that turned out to be the No.1 pick overall and we got Kyrie Irving!  If Irving is any good at all, that was a steal that turned into the best trade ever since would release Davis almost free and clear.

I wasn't interested in the Cavs last year because they were terrible, not exciting, and I just hated the NBA for all the players positioning themselves like that.  However, the youth this year might get me interested in at least the Cavs again.  Purely as a fair weather fan, nothing else.  I still dislike the NBA because of the way they promote their game and the way they let the players run the association.

I like hearing Mike Holmgren talk.  Regardless of what he is actually saying, is voice is very confident, yet calm and reassuring.  It gives me optimism just to hear him speak about the Browns.  Hopefully that all does not go unjustified.

James Harrison is a punk.  He's the kind of player that tries to get away with as much as possible and then he plays the ultimate victim when he gets caught.  I don't care if the player is a 'runner' or not, if you put your head down and dive at them with the top of your helmet, you're a gutless coward that can't tackle within the rules.  Just accept your punishment and move on.  You can keep playing hard, but when you get caught, don't cry like a baby.

Please pick LeMichel James.  He will be a perfect piece for the west coast offense coming out of the backfield on screens and draw plays.  (watch Darren Sproles for an example)  I really want that dude on my team, he's ridiculous.

OSU Basketball is pretty awesome right now.
OSU Football will be pretty awesome in 2013.

Monday, December 5, 2011

State of the Browns

This is just beyond sad. So frustrating. And it just never ends. How is a team so consistently bad? They're not just bad, they're boring. There's nothing fun about watching the Browns. They make football the most boring sport.. Seriously. Can't we get these games blacked out so we have no choice but to not watch them?

How does this team get better? We have two first round picks. One of them should be in the late teens, early 20s. One of them should be in the top 5. My guess is that we'll draft right after the team that takes Andrew Luck.

Looking at Mel Kiper's big board (who may or may not be the slightest bit reliable.. Braylon Edwards and Mike Williams were can't miss prospects at one time) It looks like there's a good OT available, Matt Kalil. We can always use more of those. We could take a RB, Trent Richardson. Assuming that we let Hillis go, which looks apparent. We could takeWR Justin Blackmon and hope he's an AJ Green and not a Julio Jones. We could go Defense and get Joe Haden again but on the opposite side of the field with CB Morris Claiborne. Or we could take one of the runner up QBs, Landry Jones or Matt Barkley. Both of which are the poor man's Andrew Luck. Or are they? Jay Cutler did pretty good for himself after not being projected as high as Vince Young and Matt Leinart..

How do you make this team better? What do they need?

I'm going to break down the Cleveland Browns into four categories:

Stars, Could be-Stars, Backups/Special Teamers, Filler, and Crap.

Joe Thomas
Phil Dawson

Could be-Stars:
D'qwell Jackson

Backups/Special Teamers:
Sheldon Brown
Alex Smith

Jordan Cameron

Thaddeous Lewis
Titus Brown

Bonus Category, Worst Player on the Team:
Owen Marecic

So far, that's the single biggest mistake of the Holmgren era. Letting Lawrence Vickers go. We had the best fullback in the league. An offensive lineman who could run like a RB. And we let that go, in favor of starting some fourth or fifth round draft pick. Marecic is getting his ASS KICKED out there. Granted, Arian Foster is the running back, but now that Vickers is on Houston plowing over defenders, aren't they better off?? No one on the Browns realized that our Running Game last season was almost all because of Vickers? Hillis had all those holes because Vickers was putting people on the ground. Now, we have some guy, who I think is smaller and slower than Hillis. Great.

So how does Holmgren fix this mess for next year? Hell if I know. No one has been able to do it since I started watching the Browns again in 2002-ish. Crennel had one extremely easy schedule. Davis had a fairly lucky year, all things considered (idiot players, QB controversy). Palmer got thrown in front of a train. Mangini didn't do ANYTHING. And now Pat Shurmur. The most boring Head Coach choice produces the most boring football team I've ever seen.

Someone "qualified", FIX IT.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

McCoy and Flacco

Since the Browns are playing the Ravens this week, it seemed fair to compare the QBs.  Here are my conclusions from some stat digging and mostly just historical observations.

Both guys have 230 completions this year, 13 TDs and 8 INTs.  McCoy has a slightly better completion % but Flacco has more yards (and therefore more yds/game).

So what I take from most of this is that they are virtually the same.  However, the Ravens are 8-3 and the Browns are 4-7.  And this year, the Browns defense is not really losing them games.  So I have a hard with simply saying that Baltimore has a better Defense and that's the reason.  The answer probably is simple though.  The Ravens have a better running game. Period.

They also have a better offensive line (or at least they are playing better at that position).  I basically point all this out because I am rather tired of hearing how much better all the QBs in the AFC North are than Colt McCoy.  At the end of the day, its really not true.  I'm not saying McCoy is as good at Tom Brady...of course not.  But he can most definitely compete with Flacco and Dalton (supposing this isn't a fluke with Dalton).  I guess you could say Rapelisberger is better, but anyone who has the morals he does is terrible in my eyes.  (plus i still agree with the argument that Big Ben has no 'touch' and gets a lot of credit for throwing to open receivers.)

So just some food for thought.  McCoy and Flacco are virtually even in all respects, but one has a better record because of factors outside of his control.

Debate over!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Browns Playbook

Which two of the following three scenarios best represents the 2011 Cleveland Browns?

Scenario #1:
McCoy and Cribbs line up next to each other in the shotgun. Ogbanaya lines up in the slot.
Houston tries to read the play.
Is it a QB run?
Is it a HB run?
Is it a direct snap to Cribbs?
Is it a HB pass to Ogbanaya?
Is it a HB or QB draw?
Fuck, Greg Little just went in motion into the backfield...What the hell?
McCoy, TD Pass to Norwood.

Scenario #2:
McCoy lines up in the I-Formation.
Houston doesn't need to read the play.
Gets sacked.

Scenario #3:
McCoy lines up in the i-Formation.
Houston doesn't need to read the play.
Ogbanyaya up the middle for 1 yard.

Monday, October 17, 2011

New Coaches in 2010 and 2011

Just for some perspective on Pat Shurmer, here are some records of new coaches in the NFL in 2011 and in 2010.  I know its painful Browns' fans, but it way too hard to judge after 5 games.

New Coaches 2010:   thru 6 wks      Final record     thru 6 wks 2011
Buffalo                        0-5                 4-12                       4-2                      
Oakland                      2-4                 8-8                        4-2
St. Louis                     3-3                 7-9                         0-5 (they lost pat shurmer on offense)
Detroit                        1-5                 6-10                       5-1
Washington                 3-3                 6-10                       3-2
Tampa Bay                 3-2                 10-6                        4-2
Seattle                        3-2                 7-9                         2-3

New Coaches 2011:  thru 6 wks
San Francisco             5-1
Dallas                         2-3
Minnesota                  1-5
Carolina                     1-5
Tennessee                   3-2
Denver                       1-4
Cleveland                   2-3

So, after all this, to me its clear that you just can't judge after 5 games in the first season.  Look at Buffalo and Detroit; they didn't jump ship after last year's bad start and they were rewarded for it.  Yes, a San Francisco will always break the rules by having a great start in the first year...but that by far is always the exception and not the rule.  Everyone wanted to compare St. Louis's turnaround last year to the Browns and show what a 'franchise' QB can do for a team.  Well, they lost their offensive mind in Pat Shurmer, and they are 0-5 this year with an anemic offense.  Even with the 'franchise' QB.

We just have to give it some more time.  I'm as frustrated as anyone watching Peyton Hillis stand on the sidelines, but lets just have this all play out before we carry our torches to 76 Lou Groza Blvd.

Friday, October 14, 2011

How to Fix the NBA Lockout

The NBA has about 450 players. 30 of them are really good. 15 of them are really really good. 5 of them are absolutely super-humanly good. So that leaves 400 good players. Is there THAT much of a difference between that 400 and the next 400..? I bet there's not....

So.. I propose the following steps to the owners to immediately end this lockout:

1) "Freeze" all existing contracts. None of them count on the books, none of them are to be paid any further. They will just pause. None of these players will count towards your rosters.

2) Hold open tryouts to get 15 new players on each team. Pay them the money that the "real" NBA players should be getting.

3) Give the "real" NBA players the middle finger.

4) Lower ticket prices drastically (You're paying the players much less now anyways) and start the season as soon as possible.

5) Create a new structure where the NBA is the true "Boss" and all the players will be "Employees" just like the rest of the world. Each "Owner" can become a "Regional Manager-Like" figure who can do whatever they want with their team. And whenever one of the players is ready to return to reality, they can join the new system and resume their contract.

6) Give the "real" NBA players the middle finger.

7) Wait for the "real" players to come crawling back.

8) Problem Solved.

Nobody gives a shit about this article

Dear ESPN,
This article is the epitome of what is wrong with your current strategy. Nobody gives a shit about what Lebron does on his off time.  Stop pushing this shit on real sports fans. You're really pushing the limits on how long I will pay attention to you given this crap and the recent scandal you're involved with. (rumored that ESPN was instructing the ACC on what college football teams to add to their conference)

Please go back to simply reporting on sports and giving 'expert' opinions.  Stop telling me when Lebron takes a shit.

Best Regards,

Thursday, October 13, 2011

NBA Lockout

So let me get this straight. You're one of about 450 people on Earth who has the privilege to get paid, playing the game of basketball for the most popular basketball organization on Earth?

You're just playing a game, guys!! You get paid, 100,000s of dollars to play a game, and you're complaining?!?! You guys get to play a game.. You don't think you make enough money to PLAY A GAME?!

You know how much I would love to play xbox for a living? That's MY game, that's what I'M good at.. You guys are good at Basketball. And you're lucky enough to be good at a game that you get paid to play. No one is going to pay me shit to play xbox, and if they do it would be near-minimum wage as a tester. You guys make more than I'll probably ever see in my life to play a game.

I have to use my mind to write computer programs and solve problems. You guys get to use physical play a game.

If you don't think you get paid enough, do what the rest of the world does and try to find a better job, assholes. If you don't think you get paid enough to PLAY A GAME, you're a f*cking dick. All of you, shut the f*ck up and get back to work.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Browns Lost to Titans

I was at this game, and man was it frustrating. But honestly, it seems like in this game they were just experimenting on Offense. I don't know WHAT the defense was doing, but the Offense was just trying things. It seemed like they were testing out plays in a live environment as opposed to running plays they had a good idea would work. On 4th and 1, is that the time to try the mis-direction toss to Smith? The guy who has had two carries so far this season? Was this game their test to see how well Hardesty would do if given plenty of opportunities?

It never felt like they were really trying to win it, but rather testing themselves out. Again though, I don't know what that defense was doing. T.J. Ward is better than letting a TE get 10 yards ahead of him for a wide open endzone toss. Usama Young is better than trying to tackle a TE when a simple shove out of bounds would've sufficed. Joe Haden didn't seem to do much, but maybe that's because QBs are already throwing to the opposite side of the field.

BUT.. on the other hand, Colt McCoy set both the completions and attempts record for a Browns QB. That's nice.

Revised Season Prediction: 6-10. Possibly tied for last with Pittsburgh??

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Hardesty, upon further review

After finishing watching the Browns game again on DVR, I come to a conclusion that I was unsure about earlier.  Montario Hardesty looks pretty good.  You cannot just look at his stats for the game (14 car/67 yds and 3 rec/19 yds) and make sense of his impact.  Hardesty runs hard, quick and finds the holes that were opened by the line.  Hardesty's stats would have been more like 14 car/90 yds if the line would have opened a few holes on about 5 of his runs.  Other than those few 0 and 1 yd runs, he moved the ball very well on the dolphins; eating up large chunks of yardage.  This should be fun to watch with Hillis and Hardesty in the backfield now.  Give Shurmur a little bit of time to figure this out, but between Hillis, Hardesty, and McCoy you have 3 different and fun running threats to work with.  And that's not even considering an end around to Cribbs!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Browns Defeat the Dolphins

In what looked like another "All is Lost" game, Colt McCoy comes up with two huge drives, with Touchdowns in the exact same spot in the end zone. The first to Cribbs, the second to Massaquoi. No Peyton Hillis in this one either. Hardesty looked good. Hardesty had the clutch catch and run on 4th down that kept us in this game. Colt and Massaquoi won it, but Hardesty got us there. It seems like so many other times the Browns drop that easy pass on fourth down. Last Sunday, they got it done. The Browns are at 2-1 for the first time in what seems like forever...I think it was 2002? They're second place in the AFC North for the first time since Derek Anderson.

The Bengals haven't managed to do anything since they beat us, had we had more of a clue in that game we would be 3-0 right now, and only one of two undefeated teams in the AFC.

So here's what's left of the season and my revised thoughts after three games:

We have Tennessee next. They lost to Jacksonville, then beat The Ravens and The Broncos. This could turn out to be a tough game. I think the Browns can take it though, about 17-14. Chris Johnson will run all over us, but when they start throwing, I think we'll be able to stop them.

Then its Oakland. Another team that looks better now. This one could also go either way, as we usually have trouble with Oakland. Another 21-20ish game, could go either way. My guess is that the last play will be Janikowski attempting a 60 yard field goal, and the make or miss will decide it.

Next up is Seattle. They got their first win against the Cardinals..They were destroyed by The Steelers.. We can probably take Seattle. Cleveland wins 21-10.

Then San Francisco. They just played an UGLY game against the Bengals.. I think we can also win this one, but you never know. Braylon Edwards seems to like to play extremely hard against us (despite only playing hard for us when he felt like it) so who knows.. Another 17-14 game that could go either way.

Then Houston. The Texans will win this one and it might be ugly. This might be a 35-10 game, Houston.

The Rams are up next. So far in the season they're 0-3. They didn't even compete against The Ravens last Sunday. If they keep that up they're in for another long season. Browns can win this one and come back from the loss to Houston.

Jacksonville is next. Should still be Blaine Gabbert in there unless they lose their minds. The Browns can win yet another one here, but Jacksonville is another team that's given us trouble before.. Maybe a Colt McCoy hail mary into the endzone with five seconds left in the game......?

Then the rematch with Cinci. I still think we'll win this one. By this point, the Bengals should be completely exposed and firmly at the bottom of the AFC North. Cleveland might not walk all over them, but they'll win it and get their revenge.

Then for Baltimore and Pittsburgh. I still think that these two games are lost causes. Baltimore will win by three scores. Pittsburgh will win by a field goal in a game that they completely control from start to finish.

Then the Arizona game could go either way.

Then Baltimore and Pittsburgh again.. I think the Baltimore game will be another one that's not even close, but then the second Pittsburgh game could go either way. I think one team will win the game by 10 points.

New Season prediction: Between 7-9 and 10-6.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Browns Lose to Bengals

So...alright, this one sucked. Bad. This one was really bad, because for once everyone in the world was calling it for the Browns. We're actually the more experienced team for once in the match-up. We have the more experienced QB for once. Our RB didn't get out of jail five days ago. Our WR is a Cleveland hero, not a rookie. Our defense is healthy for once...

On Offense, we start the game like a first year expansion team, as usual. But then things start to turn around a little. Colt starts making some nice throws. Hillis never really gets going. Then, back to the expansion team.

On Defense, we start the game like a first year expansion team, as usual. But then things REALLY start to turn around. Joe Haden is all over anything thrown his way. We're making tackles, we're kind of stopping the run. We're getting pressure on Dalton to the point where we knock him out of the game.

Then, Cinci gets off an illegal snap (they substituted, the referee should've been standing over the ball until Cleveland was ready) and Bruce Gradkowski of all people hits a wide open AJ Green for his first touchdown. Awesome. Great job, guys.

Then...we can't do anything. Then we force a three and out. Then...we can't do anything. And the Cinci Defense isn't Superbowl caliber.. Based on this game, here's my predictions for the rest of the season:

vs. Indy:
Peyton Manning is out. Kerry Collins is in. The Colts are TERRIBLE without Manning. I predict that Kerry Collins pulls off some late game heroics and beats the Browns 21-20.

vs. Miami:
I know nothing about Miami, except that Reggie Bush will have over 200 yards rushing in this game. Colt will be picked off three times (all tipped passes). Miami wins 35-28.

vs. Titans:
We should easily be able to beat the Titans, so we won't. Titans win 5-3.

vs. Oakland:
Our first win of the season. 35-7.

vs. Seattle:
Our second win of the season. 42-14.

vs. SF:
Our third win of the season. 17-14.

vs. Houston:
We lose this one. This one might be 35-0.

vs. The Rams:
Not sure about this one. I feel like we can win it, but they wont. Or maybe they will. Final score 17-14, not sure which team has which score.

vs. Jax:
Is Luke McGown still the QB there? Browns win, 14-3.

vs. Cinci:
Browns obviously will look for revenge. They'll get it. Cinci is horrible. By now, Dalton will be on IR and Cedric Benson will be back in jail. 35-14 Cleveland.

vs. Baltimore:
Oh god.

vs. Pittsburgh:
Pittsburgh wins 3-0.

vs. Arizona:
Arizona wins 35-0.

vs. Baltimore:
Oh god.

vs. Pittsburgh:
Pittsburgh wins 13-10.

Final Record: 5-11. As usual.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Slow down about Cobb

So (Green Bay's) Randall Cobb is getting all this run because of his performance yesterday.  I'm sorry, but since when does having 2 receptions for 34 yds and 1 TD deserve this praise.  Yes, he ran a kickoff back, but Josh Cribbs wouldn't have gotten that praise had he had those stats.

Everyone is going to pick this guy up in fantasy, and be very disappointed by week 12 when he's back to being 4th on the depth chart catching 1 ball a game.  Typical overreaction in week 1 of the NFL.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Browns Training Camp

More important Training Camp opinions later...but this one has to be first.

Are you kidding? Everyone get off the 480 bridge just because or freaking punter got hurt.

He's the damn punter, we'll be just fine with any other punter in the league, I promise. How many times have we switched punters in the last few years and been just fine. Geez, everyone calm the F down.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

LeBron's Mom

On behalf of all of Cleveland, I would like to break the news story that LeBron's mom hooked up with Dwyane Wade. Not only did she hook up with Wade, but she also quickly found herself in a situation where she was (willingly) being Eiffel-Towered by Wade and Miami Heat Forward Chris Bosh.

Soon after Mario Chalmers and Udonis Haslem entered the scene, and they all proceeded to "Run the Train" on King James' mom. Chalmers then started simply "directing traffic" out there, telling who to do what.

Mike Bibby showed up late to the party, but quickly meshed well into the mix. It was an all out gang bang on LeBron's mom.

Then, Ben Roethlisberger, who was partying in the area, got wind of this and attempted to join the party. Repulsed by "Big Ben", Gloria refused. Roethlisberger then proceeded to have his way with Gloria, as someone saying "no!" has never stopped him in the past.

Zydrunas Ilgouskas was quoted but we have no idea what he said, except for the part where he thanked Cleveland for all the memories and asked if Antawn Jamison was worth it.

More on this story as it develops.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Indians Baseball

I know its early in the year, but the table below is just really nice to see. The Indians are getting it done with solid fundamental baseball. Good pitching from the starters and the bullpen, timely hitting, smart base running, and above average fielding. The one noticeable change between this year and the last few is the lack of mental collapses. The young players are holding it together even when they have a bad inning or two. I'm sure they won't sustain this all year, but we can at least enjoy it while its happening. Who knows, maybe they'll surprise us all and stay in contention throughout the whole year.
Go Tribe!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Wrestlemania, It's Over

The wrestling fan has lost. For now. Is there any other company, who deliberately and intentionally killed off their own fanbase? Has this ever happened before? Has any company ever said, all of the people who support our product, we actually want them all to go to hell and we want to appeal to this group of people instead? Has this happened before? Yes. The WWE actually did this once before in 1984. They had wrestlers going to war with each other, putting on technical wrestling and garbage wrestling bloodbaths. Then, Hogan showed up and suddenly it was all about the kids. We all watched Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage while growing up. Then we got older, but so did the WWE.

Then we had Shawn Michaels telling people to suck it and Steve Austin giving people the finger. WWE grew up with us. And now, instead of progressing even further forward, they did a complete 180, took out the entire wrestling aspect of it and replaced it with children's entertainment. Back to the beginning... Now we've gotta wait for Cena's children-fanbase to grow up and start hating their parents. Only then will we get the Cena heel turn and a return to prominence, but by then we'll all be 40. Awesome.

The WWE then keeps sprinkling in reminders of better times by throwing Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels.. or more recently Undertaker vs HHH at us. With Steve Austin and Rock, both long since retired getting to appear on screen every now and then.. But otherwise, there's no reason for any of us to watch anymore. This is now just bullshit for the kids. With an occasial character thrown in like CM Punk, who actually represents the adults trying to tell the kids what to do and how to live their lives. Or Jericho talking down on everyone else in the company like they're a piece of shit. (It's no secret that those two characters were everyone's favorite over the past couple years, but God forbid they step on the toes of the kids' favorite characters)

Shawn and HHH, two of the last guys left from better times, were reduced to being goofy kids, not parent-hating degenerates, but goofy kids. Cena? He's obviously a kid. Miz? I don't even know what he is. At Wrestlemania, we scored a win with The Rock costing Cena the belt. But so what? Rock's going to be gone in a few weeks, and even if we get the Rock vs Cena dream match at Summerslam or so, Cena will win because Rock is a true pro. (Austin sure as hell wouldn't do it, and I don't blame him).

So anyways, Wrestlemania. Let's look at it from a standpoint of the real fan who has been shunned by the WWE.

Match 1: World Title, Edge vs Del Rio

Ok, this on paper was the weakest championship match in Wrestlemania history. Del Rio is too new. Way too new to be the Rumble winner and thrown into a main event. And they realized this, probably the day of the show. Hence, here he is in the opening match, and he LOSES to Edge. This is absolultely a case of "our bad" on the WWE's part. Edge wins in 10 minutes, fairly clean. Match is **1/2 at most.

Match 2: Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes

They get about 10 minutes and Rhodes wins after some shenanigans with a face mask and a knee brace. Whatever. Match is **1/2 at most.

Snoop Dogg showed up for a retarded segment which ended up with Hornswaggle singing as a punch line. This felt like it took up 10 minutes of the show. It was the dumbest segment I've seen at Wrestlemania. Normally they knock these out of the park. (Rock calling Hurricane the Hamburgler?)

Match 3: 8 man tag, Wade Barrett and three guys against Kane, Big Show, and two other guys

Match was literally one minute long. I forgot who got the pin, but Big Show's team won. No match rating.

Match 4: CM Punk vs Randy Orton

This was better than it should have been. CM Punk is awesome and one of only a couple reasons left to watch this piece of shit product. Orton still sucks. Ten years later, Orton hasn't learned a damn thing, still wrestles the same shitty match. Punk carries Orton to his best match since... I don't know, I'm sure one of the Cena matches was better than this but I don't remember them. *** for the match. They got about 15 minutes.

Rock and Mae Young have an encounter. I really think she has video proof that she and Vince McMahon boned. Why else is she still around on TV? Then Rock and Steve Austin had an encounter which made me think they would fight before the night was over. Man, was I wrong there.

Match 5: Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole

This match got about 15 minutes also. It was awful, but not as bad as Bret-Vince from last year. This match also felt like it was an hour long. In my mind I watched Flair vs Steamboat from Wrestle War 89 twice in the amount of time I watched Cole - Lawler. Lawler wins with the ankle lock?? Not a pile driver? Come on! Come on!!!! REALLY!??! No rating, match blew, wasn't entertaining in any way. Then the GM reverses the decision cause Austin shoved Cole. Whatever. Then Booker T got a stunner.

Match 6: Undertaker vs HHH

Awesome match, but it won't hold up watching it a second time. Watching it again it will be boring as shit. But live, oh man. I was actually worried HHH had him. When HHH gave him that tombstone, I thought that could've been it for Taker. I still don't like that submission move Taker uses, it's like a retarded version of the real thing from UFC, but whatever. He's trying. At age 59, the Undertaker is still a better wrestler/performer than any of these new guys. So is HHH. Live, this gets about ****1/2. Watching it again, I fear it will get about **. That's the big difference between this match and the HBK - Taker matches. Those were entertaining as hell and action packed. This one was all drama/storyline. They went about 30 minutes and HHH beat the shit out of Taker, and then was outsmarted for the finish by the guy who can't be beaten. It was awesome.

Undertaker is a paradox. He debuted in the WWE at age 26. He won his first Wrestlemania at age 27. He beat HHH at WM17 at age 37. He beat him again at WM 27 at age 47. From age 26 through about 45, put it simply..sucked. He sucked. He didn't do a damn thing in the ring except look intimidating. And now, at the time when every other wrestler starts losing their shit and unable to go anymore, he's getting better. He's now having the matches that will define him. He now having the matches we'll remember forever. Where the hell has he been for the past 20 years?!

Anyways.. Match 7: Snooki, Trish, and Morrison vs Taker's Wife, Someone else, and Dolph Ziggler

Dolph Ziggler - another example: They took the least talented member of the god awful "Spirit Squad" and brought him back full time. "Johnny" of the spirit squad was a Daniel Bryan-like indie wrestler "Johnny Jeter" who would be able to wrestle circles around any of the other guys in that group. Nevermind. Snooki pins one of the other girls in the match for the win. They got 5 minutes. That's 4 minutes longer than the 8 man tag got, which actually featured some wrestlers. Either * or no rating. Not sure. It sucked.

Match 8: US Title, Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus

Oh wait, this didn't happen. This didn't happen so we could have a Snoop Dogg/Hornswaggle skit, a 15 minute match featuring announcers, and a 5 minute Snooki match. FUCK YOU, WWE. Entire show's overall rating deducted one star for cutting a "Wrestling Match"

Match 9: WWE Title, John Cena vs Miz

This is the second weakest championship match in WWE history. After a slow start, things picked up a little, then just as they got going, sports entertainment took over. Rock gives Cena a Rock Bottom and Miz gets the pin. Match was about 15 minutes. The entrances were actually longer. Match gets *1/2. Rock then beats everyone up to end the show.

How they didn't either go with Cena vs Rock one on one, or Cena vs Miz vs Rock as a three way is just beyond me. But whatever, it's for the kids now.

The average match rating for this show is 14 (match totals) - 1 (danielson vs sheamus) = 13 / 9 matches = ~1.444 (less than *1/2 overall for the show. That's fucking awful.)

Now, for fun, based on memory, let me go back to WM9 and WM13. Those, off hand are the worst ones I can think of. WM1 was also really terrible, but that one gets a pass because it was such a success that we still have WM to this day.

Tatanka vs Shawn ***
Steiners vs Samoans *
Doink vs Crush *
Razor vs Backlund *
Hogan/Beefcake vs Money Inc **
Luger vs Perfect **1/2
Bret vs Yoko **
Taker vs Gonzales *
Hogan vs Yoko NR


Four Way Tag *1/2
Rocky vs Fatu *1/2
HHH vs Goldust **
Owen/Bulldog vs Vader/Mankind (??) *1/2
Bret vs Austin (one of the best matches ever. EVER.) *****
LOD vs Nation Street Fight (actually a pretty wild ECW type brawl) ***1/2
Taker vs Sid *


So, based on my memory, it's official. Wrestlemania 27 is actually the worst Wrestlemania of all time. And I do believe time will show us this. Wrestlemania 9 was pretty bad, but it was at least memorable. Wrestlemania 13 was bad, but it had one of the best matches of all time. We're not going to remember this Wrestlemania in three years. It had nothing. It had a solid HHH vs Undertaker match, but other than that, it had NOTHING. The only way it's memorable is if this turned out to be Taker's final match but I don't think that's the case.

It was a piece of shit, utter crap, BUT, I bet the kids loved it and cant wait to see Cena get revenge on The Rock.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Draft Orders

Just as an FYI, here are the projected draft orders for the Browns and Cavs this year.

Round Pick
1 6
2 5
3 6
4 5
5 6
6 3
6 5

Round Pick
1 1 (*depends on lottery, but right now they have the best chance at #1)
1 8 (*depends on where Clippers finish)
2 1 (*will match first round pick)
2 24 (*depends where OKC finishes)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I'm reading reports that The Lakers are talking with The Nuggets to pull off a trade to bring Melo to Los Angeles. Ok, yes - players should be able to go where ever they want when their contract is up. But at the same time, just cut the league down to four teams and get it over with.

Miami Heat:

John Wall
Dwyane Wade
LeBron James
Chris Bosh
Dwight Howard

Deron Williams
Evan Turner
Andre Iguodala
Danny Granger

Boston Celtics:

Rajon Rondo
Vince Carter
Gerald Wallace
Kevin Garnett

Tyreke Evans
Stephen Jackson
Amare' Stoudemire
Anderson Varejao

Chicago Bulls:

Derrick Rose
Kevin Durant
Rudy Gay
Kevin Love
Tim Duncan

Jason Kidd
OJ Mayo
Antawn Jamison
JJ Hickson

Los Angeles Lakers:

Chris Paul
Kobe Bryant
Carmelo Anthony
Blake Griffin
Yao Ming

Steve Nash
Dirk Nowitzki
Pau Gasol

Just do this and get it over with, assholes.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Green Bay Wins...So does Cleveland

Green Bay's victory last night in Super Bowl XLV was a great win for Aaron Rodgers and the Packers. But it was also a win for Cleveland; and not just because the Steelers lost.

Green Bay showed us that Holmgren's version of the west coast offense CAN beat the Steelers!

Watching that game should have given all Browns fans hope that a short quick passing game and strategic runs can prove successful. Now, granted, you need a very good quarterback. And we still don't know if Colt McCoy will be good enough to win, but it was so nice to see our new offensive strategy work in the biggest game of the year.

And really, it worked two years in a row. New Orleans runs a west coast offense too.

Now that we (Browns fans) can all breath easy knowing that we won't have to endure the SI sports package for Steelers fans being shown on ESPN every 5 seconds; we can focus on next year and getting some pieces in place for the Browns to start beating the AFC North with a west coast offense.

Yesterday was a great day!!

Monday, January 31, 2011

State of the WWE

I am a huge wrestling fan who hates the current product. And it's not getting any better. Nothing they can do will make it as good as it once was and they keep trying. While it's pointless to complain without offering up solutions, I will attempt to do just that. The current fad, which I hope sticks around permanently (becoming, not a fad) is Ultimate Fighting. The simple concept of two guys who want to fight to see who is the better man. The fights are announced months in advance, and the two fighters get ample time to talk about the other fighter, what they want to do to the other fighter, and after they win, who's next? Then after months of buildup, the fight happens, and it nets ZUFFA and the UFC a bundle of money.

The WWE on the other hand, announces matches about a week or two in advance, usually revolving around a "take over the wwe" angle, and then the same guys win each month. Or, they decide who the next "star" will be and force that person into main event matches, where they fail horrendously, and then go back to the big stars. Problem is, their "big stars" are only there because there was no one else at the time. Are you telling me Rico, Umaga, Rosey, Chuck Palumbo, or any other of those guys would've been a better choice than John Cena? No. Not at all. (Brock Lesnar was their first choice, and was a perfect choice, but he didn't really have the desire to be a pro-wrestler. He really wanted to hurt people.) Then they had Batista as their second best choice, and Orton as their third. And they had to keep them around because there was no one else for Undertaker and HHH to beat every week.

One of the main problems with the WWE is "Parity". Wrestler A wins one week, then Wrestler B wins the next week. They keep everything level among the talent, EXCEPT in the case of John Cena and Randy Orton. I bet if we go back in the record books (which I'm not going to do) this is actually the case for the late 90's (with Austin and Rock being the exceptions) and the 80's (with Hogan and Savage being the exceptions). Maybe the WWE is too worried about feelings or something and it's just understood that Cena and Orton are "the stars" and can win at will. And guys like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, if they win then next week they have to lose to even it out. This accomplishes nothing from a storyline standpoint.

Here's a WWE Breakdown:

"Superstars" that Have Been Around Forever and Still Going: HHH, Edge (World Champion), Big Show, Kane, Rey Mysterio, Undertaker (Semi-Retired)

New "Superstars" that Have Been Around Recently and Regularly Main Event: John Cena, Randy Orton, Batista (Retired).

Brand New "Superstars" that are being Shoved Down Peoples' Throats, Yet Have No Real Reason to be: Miz (World Champion), Kofi Kingston, Sheamus, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre.

"Superstars" that Actually Show Promise: Alberto Del Rio (Won Royal Rumble), Jack Swagger (Goofy Amateur Wrestler Gimmick), Daniel Bryan (Ladies' Man Gimmick), CM Punk (Excellent Leader Gimmick), Evan Bourne (High Flier with Nothing to do), John Morrison (Rockstar Gimmick).

And Everyone else is just kinda...there. They're all the same wrestler, just each with a slightly dumber character than the previous.

The way wrestling works is..there's ONE or TWO GUYS who draw. Everyone else is there to help out. And then when things go south for the main draw, they start mixing it up until they find the next main draw. In the late 90s, it was Steve Austin. The problem was, no one ever took the torch from him. Austin never lost to anybody. Austin never had that big match with John Cena where he put him over clean in a Wrestlemania Main Event. The closest we got to this was The Rock putting over Brock Lesnar 100% clean in the main event of a Summerslam for the WWE Championship. But Brock's heart wasn't in pro-wrestling and he bailed. And again, Steve Austin didn't put ANYONE over on his way out. His final match was a loss to The Rock. Which, my God, did "Parity" have something to do with that?

HHH then took the reigns for a while because there was nobody else. And he stuck around still to this day, but is now semi-retired. Cena and Orton took the top spots but never really did anything to justify it. They were simply the best of what was available. Then Batista managed to get over on his own, so they naturally turned him into an Ultimate Warrior clone and nobody cared anymore.

Shawn Michaels returned for the early 2000s, Chris Jericho stuck around for a while, Chris Benoit killed his whole family and then himself because he was regulated to ECW while the worthless Bobby Lashley and Mark Henry got Main Events, Kurt Angle took off with the fans but practically crippled himself in the process. But none of these guys actually were pushed as the top star like Cena or Orton were in the second half of the 2000s.

Then throughout everything, The Undertaker has been around, never losing to anybody and turning into this force that just cannot be beaten. When was the last time he lost clean? To Kurt Angle at that one No Way Out? That's at least what it seems like. He should go undefeated at Wrestlemania, because there's not a single person worthy of ending that streak. Nor will there be in the next couple years. He should just go undefeated and let it be the most special record in the history of Wrestling.

They have nobody left. They broke the cycle with Steve Austin:

Iron Sheik beat Bob Backlund, Hogan Destroyed the Iron Sheik. This ended the Backlund-grappling era and started the showmanship Hogan era. Yokozuna crushed Hogan, Bret Hart beat Yokozuna, then Shawn Michaels beat Bret Hart. This started the high-flying HBK era. Steve Austin beat Shawn Michaels straight up. This started Steve Austin's attitude era, which was the most successful yet. Then... nobody beat Steve Austin. Steve Austin fizzled away. The Rock, my favorite wrestler of all time, tried to salvage the whole thing by putting over Brock Lesnar clean, doing the job Steve Austin wouldn't do. But then Brock Lesnar quit, leaving the WWE with no one. Maybe Steve Austin was right?

So John Cena, Randy Orton and Batista just sort of became the new stars because there was no one else, and HHH was picked to just replace Steve Austin and get them over. That's why no one truly takes them seriously and that's why all of the hardcore fans despise them. They had no right to be there and were just simply picked. They walked in while Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio, Chris Benoit, Eddy Guerrero, Kurt Angle, Booker T, and even Shawn Michaels just stood around on the sidelines and accepted flashes at the top.

And now that every possible version of Cena vs. Orton vs. Batista vs. HHH has been done to death, they need new people for Cena and Orton to fight. Enter: Sheamus, Drew McIntyre, The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, etc. Then when we're lucky, we get: CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Evan Bourne, Alberto Del Rio, Wade Barrett.. And when we want flashes of the past, we get: Edge, Kane, Big Show, etc.. But the problem is, none of these people ever get the upper hand on Cena or Orton. And even if they do, it's meaningless, because Cena and Orton are meaningless. If they get the upper hand on HHH, that doesn't mean anything, because HHH never really got the upperhand on anybody. HHH never was really put over the top the same way Austin was, or Hart/Michaels were. HHH got a few wins over Steve Austin but that was about it. Then after that, they became partners. And this was the moment that some would call a nose dive. The best you can say for HHH was when Cactus Jack put him over in that street fight, but again - what did Cactus Jack ever really do?

This is a trap they can't get out of. The only hope is for someone to cleanly, decisively and definitively beat The Undertaker.

But not at Wrestlemania. Which has become the only place where it matters.

Ah sh*t, they're f*cked.


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Cleveland Updates

How do you fix the Cavs? I don't know. Somebody's gotta do something though. Who do they even trade for? There's no one. In the NBA, the values of the Contracts have to match (or be really close) for that current year. So Gerald Wallace makes $10 million this year. We can't trade Jamario Moon and Anthony Parker for Wallace because the amounts don't match. However, we have this thing called a Trade Exception. We've got $14.5 million from the LeBron fiasco which we can just add into any trade. So we could trade Moon ($3 million) and use the other $7 million out of LeBron's Trade Exception and then the numbers match and we could make that trade. But again, who do we try and get? The only answer to this is go the route of the Celtics:

We trade the poo-poo platter to New Orleans and bring in Chris Paul. (KG) We draft an awesome player with (hopefully) our #1 pick. Trade THAT player for somebody who can shoot threes like they're nothing consistently. (Allen) Then hope to God that our second round pick is actually good. (Rondo?) Team those guys up with Mo Williams (Pierce) and hopefully they're on the right track.

The Browns: For the first time since Chris Palmer we have an offensive minded head coach. This season should finally be different. No more "keep the game close" which leads to losses. If they're trying - if they're firing the ball down field, running to the outside, running trick plays..doing ANYTHING other than running the ball up the middle two times then passing for no gain and punting, I'll be happy. This could finally be the end of the Run-Run-Pass-Punt offense.

Dear Jets, Packers, and Bears,

The Prevent Defense does not work against the Steelers. The only way to beat the Steelers is to Blitz them. If I see ANY of you teams blitz Shitberger all game, then STOP on their final drive, I swear I'll destroy somebody. The Steelers are going to beat the Jets by 3 points with a Shitberger game winning drive, then they'll beat the NFC by 3 points (or less) with a Shitberger game winning drive. And on both of the game winning drives, the defense will blitz 3 people on every play. Then Mike Wallace will catch the game winning touchdown and everyone will say how great a QB Ben Roethlisberger is. I can almost guarantee this.

Get ready Browns fans for another Pittsburgh Super Bowl victory.

Holmgren, draft a Receiver, or a Right Tackle. If that's not possible draft a murderous Defensive End. Mangini turned around the Jets. Then Rex Ryan came in there, said "f that" and sent all of Mangini's "quality human beings" over to the Browns to do us a world of good, and he stocked up on criminals, assholes, and whiny pieces of trash. Look at them now. AFC championship two years in a row.

Good things could be ahead for the Browns. Better things are probably ahead for the Steelers. And the Jets. And the Ravens. And Tampa Bay. And Kansas City.

"F it" -the Dude.

Friday, January 14, 2011

NFL Playoffs

So.. Probably everyone in the Cleveland area is dreading the AFC Playoffs. I have to be a dick and say, "Not me." Pittsburgh and Baltimore hate each other as much as I hate both of those teams. They're going to try and kill each other. It will be a fantastic game of football, possibly full of post-game fines. I'm also going to be rooting for a four overtime game where 80% of both teams leave injured.

On the other side, the other team everyone hates because Bill Belichick turned them into contenders. Also, my second favorite team in the league. They're playing against a team that hates them. The Jets and Pats hate each other. They want to destroy each other.

There might not be anything left from any of these teams come the AFC Championship.

Then, over in the NFC we've got The Seahawks (one win into the playoffs, still a losing record. By the way, if they win again, they'll be in the NFC Championship game with a .500 record.) The Packers, The Bears, and The Falcons. I wonder if the Seahawks can beat the Bears?

Browns fans: Atlanta hired a no-name (kinda) coordinator as their head coach a couple years ago too. And I'd like to think Holmgren knows what he's doing. This isn't Randy Lerner's decision anymore.