Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Absurdities in Sports

So Madden 011 comes out in two months. One of the new features is a player statistic called "Old Spice Swagger." Now, advertising in games is fine, as long as it doesn't go too far. Put advertisements up in the digital stadium - that's fine. That's realistic. Have them change each month, that's even better.


What Madden 010 did, was they put a little pop up window on the bottom left corner of the screen, actually covering the game clock at times, and it was the same advertisement for an entire game. So before every offensive snap, we had to see an advertisement for tires.. or McDonalds.. Absurd. And to think, on top of having to see advertisements, I also paid $60 for this game.

Now, in Madden 011, I can only assume the pop-up will be back, but now there's also a stat called "Old Spice Swagger." Wonderful.

Backbreaker may be lacking a lot of features that are standard in the Madden games, but at least Backbreaker isn't shoving ads down our throats.

My second piece, completely unrelated, is about the UFL.

The UFL cannot do basic math. And this isn't just a typo, this is someone who cannot do basic math.

If you saw 1+1 = 2, 2+2 = 4, 3+3 = 5, 4+4 = 8.. you could assume that "3+3 = 5" was a typo. On the UFL's website? Not so much...

Just scroll down a bit to the 2009 season standings. I've copied them here:

Team W L T Pct PF PA

Tuskers 6 0 0 .857 200 112
Locomotives 4 2 0 .714 187 117
Redwoods 2 4 0 .333 105 134
Sentinels 0 6 0 .000 56 185

The Tuskers went 6-0, with a winning percentage of .857
The Locomotives went 4-2, with a winning percentage of .714
The Redwoods went 2-4, with a winning percentage of .333 (correct)
The Sentinals sucked and went 0-6, with a winning percentage of (surprisingly) .000

I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but isn't 6-0, 1.000...? And you can't say that these scores were not updated at the end of the season, because I can only assume the Tuskers couldn't have gone from 4-1 to 6-0..

So we've got the Locomotives.. they're at .714, they should be at .666.

The bottom two are correct, which leads me to believe the person doing these stats was high.

Friday, June 25, 2010


An NBA Proof:

FOX News says that Tom Izzo made the right decision.

Therefore Tom Izzo made the wrong decision.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Boring Sports

I really don't hate any sports, I just like to make fun of soccer. I can find entertainment in most things, but soccer is like watching 15 football "three and outs" in a row for 90 minutes. It is entertaining to me though, that no soccer fan needs to ever take a breath from exhaling. The constant sound of the vevezula (sp?) is both hilarious and irritating at the same time.

There is also a vevezula iPhone app, sadly it's not loud enough to be of any use.

I also hate NASCAR, and I regularly rip on it when Reverend or whoever is watching it. Like soccer, the only excitement in NASCAR is about once an event. And in NASCAR, that excitement is a possible life ending car crash. So, yeah NASCAR is about 100x worse than soccer.

Then again, Soccer causes riots and murders amongst the insane fans. For each 8 year old that piledrives his cousin and the WWE has to figure out a way to reword their "don't try this at home" disclaimer, does soccer have to do anything when shit like this happens? No. I don't recall anyone trying to murder fans of a rival NASCAR team.. Or any Browns fans trying to murder any Steelers fans. But I can recall hearing stories about soccer causing Riots. And yes, therefore it's fun to make fun of something that so many people take seriously.

A tangent - Curling is another boring as hell sport, and the only excitement in that sport is finding out if the people who play it got a DUI on their way home from the ice rink or whatever the hell it is they play on. You might be able to argue that there's also no excitement in watching someone play pool, but I actually like pool so I'll watch it. There is zero excitement in watching someone play cards. All things that can be found on ESPN.

So maybe Mike is right and we should just shut up and leave it alone..? Leave the game to those who enjoy it and the rest of us should shut up about it and wait for football season to start? And hey, this thing is only once every four years. Although it is intrusive. I want to watch Sportscenter on my lunchbreak and my only choices are College Baseball or the World Cup. And the World Cup wins, because there's more things moving on the screen. Oh well.

Also, since I like to know things about all sports, regardless of.. anything really, someone explain to me "injury time" in soccer, because: "time added to the end of the game at the referee's discretion." I read as, "If the ref has $1000 on team A, he can add an additional few minutes to see if they cover."

USA in the World Cup Finals

So, in dramatic fashion, the US went from being eliminated in the group stage again, to winning their group. Donovan's goal in the 91st minute of the game changed the fortunes of soccer in America for the next 4 years. Now, we don't have to wait another 4 years to hope America can prove they at least belong in the discussion of top 15 or 20 teams in the world.

And because the US played so well in the group, they are rewarded by avoiding any 'major' team until at least the Semi-Finals. The US plays Ghana on Saturday at 2:30pm(EST). Ghana is a good team. Their solid, but their beatable. They are not Germany, England, Brazil, Spain, Portugal or Argentina. In fact, we will avoid these teams even if we win another game.

The winner of Saturday's game will play the winner of Uruguay and South Korea. Two more good teams, but not great teams. Both beatable. The US could shock the work and be playing Brazil in the Semi-Finals. That would be amazing.

I know need to go buy a Landon Donovan jersey. I like how he plays, and he wears my number from high school...#10.

And if you didn't soccer, its tradition that the best player on the team wears #10...the second best often wears #9. So when you're watching the games...identify number 10, that's the opponents best player.

Enjoy the World Cup. It only comes every 4 years. And with the scoring being so limited, the excitement when a shot is taken is incredible. If you try to appreciate it, you can really get excited. But at least root for the USA. Its your home country. (unless its not your home country)

Soccer haters

If you don't like soccer...just shut up.

One thing I can't understand. Why people who don't like soccer feel so strongly against it that they Must speak up at every opportunity. There are plenty of things I don't like; but I don't try to rain on someone's parade just for the sake of it.

I don't particularly like NASCAR. But I don't go around and write on Facebook posts about how boring it is. I just let it go. I let the people who like it, enjoy it.

I have to believe the reason is that they are terrified that soccer will actually start gaining popularity in America. Otherwise, why would they care so much that they need to shoot it down all the time.

Monday, June 21, 2010

USA's possibilities in the World Cup

We haven't talked at all about the World Cup yet, and I suppose I can do a recap later, but for now here's the USA's scenarios for advancing out of the group stage. They play Wednesday at 10am against Algeria.

US loses to Algeria - eliminated
US ties Algeria AND England beats Slovenia - eliminated
US ties Algeria AND Slovenia beats England - advance as 2nd place in group
US ties Algeria AND England ties Slovenia - needs to win goal differential against England
US wins - they advance no matter in the group depends on the England/Slovenia match

Vocab - Goal Differential = Goals Scored minus Goals Allowed
If you care, the second tie break is Total Goals Scored in group play.

So its pretty simple, Win and your in. The US should win, but that scenario hasn't held true very often in this World Cup. Some good teams are drawing or losing to lesser teams. I guess the quality of soccer/futbol around the world is evening out.

If the US advances, they play either Saturday at 230pm or Sunday at 10am.

Thursday, June 17, 2010


The most promising talent the WWE has had fall into their hands in the past five years, Bryan Danielson (on screen, Daniel Bryan) was fired. He was fired because during a scene where his group goes crazy and attacks John Cena, his opponent, and everyone at ringside, he choked out the timekeeper with his own tie. Not for real, it was just part of the scene. But I guess he adlibbed it to make the moment more crazy.

One week later, 85 year old Bret Hart is put in the back of a limousine, and the driver repeatedly slams the back of the limo into various other cars in the parking lot, intentionally.

So what the WWE is telling me is - it's not okay to choke someone for five seconds with their own necktie, but it is okay to throw someone in the back of a limo, and back it into things at high speeds.

This may sound cruel, but I hope that some kid takes their parent's (single parent) car and starts crashing into things, and tells the judge that he saw it on WWE programming, so that we can just put this piece of sh*t company out of its misery, because this is pathetic.

The WWE's top guys are John Cena, who is like the kid-friendly version of Steve Austin. Randy Orton, who has no character. Jack Swagger, who is the crappy version of Kurt Angle. The Big Show, who overall has probably been the worst pro-wrestler of the past 20 years (but a hilarious character and actor). Sheamus, an Irish stereotype. The Miz (from Parma) who's character is to be annoying. Then there are the immortal ones; Undertaker, Edge, Rey Mysterio, Kane. And I've lost track of who hates who, because the next big event is designed around two championship matches, and each match features four guys all fighting each other. Whatever. Then there are the WWE guys who show promise - The Harts, Evan Bourne, Bryan Danie... wait, scratch that last one. He choked someone with a necktie and got fired.

I guess there's some unwritten rule in the WWE that you dont find out about until you're fired: Since Chris Benoit did the diving headbutt for 15 years and while suffering from concussions and while taking repeated chairshots to the head went crazy one day and killed his whole family, you're not allowed to choke someone for five seconds with their own necktie. It's okay to put them in the back of a limo though and slam into other cars.

MEANWHILE, over in the UFC. I actually bought my first UFC show since about ufc43, because we didn't want to go to the bar for 5 hours. Chuck Liddell and Rich Franklin. I think Liddell's in the UFC hall of fame, and Franklin will be there one day. Liddell and Franklin were in the main event, and they had a furious one round fight that ended with Liddell getting knocked out cold by a Franklin uppercut. Liddell just dropped, then Franklin landed a few shots while Liddell was on his way down. What's insane is that about 30 seconds into the round, Liddell threw some vicious kicks that Franklin blocked, and while blocking he broke his left arm. So this crazy bastard did another four minutes, thirty seconds (Liddell was literally knocked out with about 3 seconds left in the round) with a broken arm. That's wild. The build up to this was Liddell coming back, training harder, getting in the best shape of his career, and wanting to prove that he could still go. While Franklin, coming off a loss, wants to get back into the UFC Title hunt, because he wants to prove he's the best.

Mirko Cro Cop, age 76 took on the much younger Pat Berry, who is apparently the biggest Cro Cop fan in the world and the fight was a dream for him. Had Berry not shown a ridiculous amount of respect for Cro Cop in the first round, he may have won, but that was not the case. Berry won the first round, but then that woke up Cro Cop who came back and had an awesome fight. One of the year's best so far. Cro Cop landed about 10 punches in a row, dropped Berry, then landed another 643 punches on the ground, but none were putting Berry out. Cro Cop then just switched positions and choked Berry out. Awesome fight. The build up here was Pat Berry ("I don't hit hard, I hit scary.") wanting to fight someone he looked up to his whole career, and take his place in the Heavyweight division. While Cro Cop wasn't looking to go anywhere, and certainly wasn't looking to go down to a younger Berry.

So.. WWE? Sh*tty characters, crappy wrestlers, boring storylines with no payoff. UFC? Real characters, talented fighters, simple, real storylines with a payoff. No wonder the WWE is getting CRUSHED right now by the UFC.

And a lot of WWE fans think the UFC fans are all new haircut, affliction-wearing douchebags. A lot of them are, yes. But remember, most WWE fans are just.. stupid.

Thursday, June 10, 2010


So apparently Masterson threw a complete game and we destroyed the Red Sox.

But for me, what's notable is that Boston brought in a Pitcher named BOOF BONSER in the eigth and immediately the pain began for Boston. This is notable for two reasons - 1, the overly ridiculous name; and 2, at the beginning of the season I tried to sneak this player onto Mike's fantasy baseball team on the grounds of the overly ridiculous name. However, his roster was already full.

And apparently this Strasburg kid is pretty good.

This may have been my most pointless post yet.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Strasburg vs. Indians

Coming up on Sunday, Stephen Strasburg will most likely pitch against the Indians. He struck out 14 in 7 innings against the Pirates last night. The Indians do not have any better of a lineup than Pittsburgh did. Pittsburgh managed 2 runs off him, but every member of their batting order struck out at some point. Strasburg struck out 7 in a row before being pulled from the game because of his pitch count.

Hasn't our year been bad enough, we had a perfect game thrown (or blown) against us in Detroit; and now we have to face a kid who did that in his first major league game! I'm getting sick just thinking about how bad the Indians will look on Sunday.

If the US wins against England on Saturday in the World Cup match, i'll be much happier. Possible World Cup post to come later in the week.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Fantasy Football Rankings

So, for a real quick post, just to get my name back on the blog, a quick comment about the Browns and fantasy football.

Matthew Berry posted his top 150 players for Fantasy Football 2010. Obviously its early, but interesting to read nonetheless.

The Browns had 4 players in the top 150, don't get too excited.
Jerome Harrison is the 26th overall RB. - he hasn't truly proven himself, but I bet he's about 15th or so by the end of the year.
Montario Hardesty is the 50th overall RB - could be a TD machine if used right with Harrison.
M. Massaquoi (?) - I think 44th overall WR - not bad, but not good if he's supposed to be our no. 1 receiver.
Josh Cribbs was like 130th overall, period. I think just a token spot for a good returner, even though most leagues don't count return points.

The Browns are going to need more than this; and especially need a QB to be on this list, if they are going to have success.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


No blog posts lately because this game has eaten all of my time. Can't comment on where Mike's been.. but here's another good video, showing why this is a better football game than Madden:

Note how the Linebacker doesn't attach to the Offensive Lineman. In Madden, the Linebacker would get sucked into that Offensive Lineman's animation and the Running Back would be able to get right around him. And based on early trailers, this STILL HAS NOT BEEN FIXED in now 6 years of XBox 360 Madden.