Thursday, June 17, 2010


The most promising talent the WWE has had fall into their hands in the past five years, Bryan Danielson (on screen, Daniel Bryan) was fired. He was fired because during a scene where his group goes crazy and attacks John Cena, his opponent, and everyone at ringside, he choked out the timekeeper with his own tie. Not for real, it was just part of the scene. But I guess he adlibbed it to make the moment more crazy.

One week later, 85 year old Bret Hart is put in the back of a limousine, and the driver repeatedly slams the back of the limo into various other cars in the parking lot, intentionally.

So what the WWE is telling me is - it's not okay to choke someone for five seconds with their own necktie, but it is okay to throw someone in the back of a limo, and back it into things at high speeds.

This may sound cruel, but I hope that some kid takes their parent's (single parent) car and starts crashing into things, and tells the judge that he saw it on WWE programming, so that we can just put this piece of sh*t company out of its misery, because this is pathetic.

The WWE's top guys are John Cena, who is like the kid-friendly version of Steve Austin. Randy Orton, who has no character. Jack Swagger, who is the crappy version of Kurt Angle. The Big Show, who overall has probably been the worst pro-wrestler of the past 20 years (but a hilarious character and actor). Sheamus, an Irish stereotype. The Miz (from Parma) who's character is to be annoying. Then there are the immortal ones; Undertaker, Edge, Rey Mysterio, Kane. And I've lost track of who hates who, because the next big event is designed around two championship matches, and each match features four guys all fighting each other. Whatever. Then there are the WWE guys who show promise - The Harts, Evan Bourne, Bryan Danie... wait, scratch that last one. He choked someone with a necktie and got fired.

I guess there's some unwritten rule in the WWE that you dont find out about until you're fired: Since Chris Benoit did the diving headbutt for 15 years and while suffering from concussions and while taking repeated chairshots to the head went crazy one day and killed his whole family, you're not allowed to choke someone for five seconds with their own necktie. It's okay to put them in the back of a limo though and slam into other cars.

MEANWHILE, over in the UFC. I actually bought my first UFC show since about ufc43, because we didn't want to go to the bar for 5 hours. Chuck Liddell and Rich Franklin. I think Liddell's in the UFC hall of fame, and Franklin will be there one day. Liddell and Franklin were in the main event, and they had a furious one round fight that ended with Liddell getting knocked out cold by a Franklin uppercut. Liddell just dropped, then Franklin landed a few shots while Liddell was on his way down. What's insane is that about 30 seconds into the round, Liddell threw some vicious kicks that Franklin blocked, and while blocking he broke his left arm. So this crazy bastard did another four minutes, thirty seconds (Liddell was literally knocked out with about 3 seconds left in the round) with a broken arm. That's wild. The build up to this was Liddell coming back, training harder, getting in the best shape of his career, and wanting to prove that he could still go. While Franklin, coming off a loss, wants to get back into the UFC Title hunt, because he wants to prove he's the best.

Mirko Cro Cop, age 76 took on the much younger Pat Berry, who is apparently the biggest Cro Cop fan in the world and the fight was a dream for him. Had Berry not shown a ridiculous amount of respect for Cro Cop in the first round, he may have won, but that was not the case. Berry won the first round, but then that woke up Cro Cop who came back and had an awesome fight. One of the year's best so far. Cro Cop landed about 10 punches in a row, dropped Berry, then landed another 643 punches on the ground, but none were putting Berry out. Cro Cop then just switched positions and choked Berry out. Awesome fight. The build up here was Pat Berry ("I don't hit hard, I hit scary.") wanting to fight someone he looked up to his whole career, and take his place in the Heavyweight division. While Cro Cop wasn't looking to go anywhere, and certainly wasn't looking to go down to a younger Berry.

So.. WWE? Sh*tty characters, crappy wrestlers, boring storylines with no payoff. UFC? Real characters, talented fighters, simple, real storylines with a payoff. No wonder the WWE is getting CRUSHED right now by the UFC.

And a lot of WWE fans think the UFC fans are all new haircut, affliction-wearing douchebags. A lot of them are, yes. But remember, most WWE fans are just.. stupid.

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