Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Cleveland Updates

How do you fix the Cavs? I don't know. Somebody's gotta do something though. Who do they even trade for? There's no one. In the NBA, the values of the Contracts have to match (or be really close) for that current year. So Gerald Wallace makes $10 million this year. We can't trade Jamario Moon and Anthony Parker for Wallace because the amounts don't match. However, we have this thing called a Trade Exception. We've got $14.5 million from the LeBron fiasco which we can just add into any trade. So we could trade Moon ($3 million) and use the other $7 million out of LeBron's Trade Exception and then the numbers match and we could make that trade. But again, who do we try and get? The only answer to this is go the route of the Celtics:

We trade the poo-poo platter to New Orleans and bring in Chris Paul. (KG) We draft an awesome player with (hopefully) our #1 pick. Trade THAT player for somebody who can shoot threes like they're nothing consistently. (Allen) Then hope to God that our second round pick is actually good. (Rondo?) Team those guys up with Mo Williams (Pierce) and hopefully they're on the right track.

The Browns: For the first time since Chris Palmer we have an offensive minded head coach. This season should finally be different. No more "keep the game close" which leads to losses. If they're trying - if they're firing the ball down field, running to the outside, running trick plays..doing ANYTHING other than running the ball up the middle two times then passing for no gain and punting, I'll be happy. This could finally be the end of the Run-Run-Pass-Punt offense.

Dear Jets, Packers, and Bears,

The Prevent Defense does not work against the Steelers. The only way to beat the Steelers is to Blitz them. If I see ANY of you teams blitz Shitberger all game, then STOP on their final drive, I swear I'll destroy somebody. The Steelers are going to beat the Jets by 3 points with a Shitberger game winning drive, then they'll beat the NFC by 3 points (or less) with a Shitberger game winning drive. And on both of the game winning drives, the defense will blitz 3 people on every play. Then Mike Wallace will catch the game winning touchdown and everyone will say how great a QB Ben Roethlisberger is. I can almost guarantee this.

Get ready Browns fans for another Pittsburgh Super Bowl victory.

Holmgren, draft a Receiver, or a Right Tackle. If that's not possible draft a murderous Defensive End. Mangini turned around the Jets. Then Rex Ryan came in there, said "f that" and sent all of Mangini's "quality human beings" over to the Browns to do us a world of good, and he stocked up on criminals, assholes, and whiny pieces of trash. Look at them now. AFC championship two years in a row.

Good things could be ahead for the Browns. Better things are probably ahead for the Steelers. And the Jets. And the Ravens. And Tampa Bay. And Kansas City.

"F it" -the Dude.

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