In what looked like another "All is Lost" game, Colt McCoy comes up with two huge drives, with Touchdowns in the exact same spot in the end zone. The first to Cribbs, the second to Massaquoi. No Peyton Hillis in this one either. Hardesty looked good. Hardesty had the clutch catch and run on 4th down that kept us in this game. Colt and Massaquoi won it, but Hardesty got us there. It seems like so many other times the Browns drop that easy pass on fourth down. Last Sunday, they got it done. The Browns are at 2-1 for the first time in what seems like forever...I think it was 2002? They're second place in the AFC North for the first time since Derek Anderson.
The Bengals haven't managed to do anything since they beat us, had we had more of a clue in that game we would be 3-0 right now, and only one of two undefeated teams in the AFC.
So here's what's left of the season and my revised thoughts after three games:
We have Tennessee next. They lost to Jacksonville, then beat The Ravens and The Broncos. This could turn out to be a tough game. I think the Browns can take it though, about 17-14. Chris Johnson will run all over us, but when they start throwing, I think we'll be able to stop them.
Then its Oakland. Another team that looks better now. This one could also go either way, as we usually have trouble with Oakland. Another 21-20ish game, could go either way. My guess is that the last play will be Janikowski attempting a 60 yard field goal, and the make or miss will decide it.
Next up is Seattle. They got their first win against the Cardinals..They were destroyed by The Steelers.. We can probably take Seattle. Cleveland wins 21-10.
Then San Francisco. They just played an UGLY game against the Bengals.. I think we can also win this one, but you never know. Braylon Edwards seems to like to play extremely hard against us (despite only playing hard for us when he felt like it) so who knows.. Another 17-14 game that could go either way.
Then Houston. The Texans will win this one and it might be ugly. This might be a 35-10 game, Houston.
The Rams are up next. So far in the season they're 0-3. They didn't even compete against The Ravens last Sunday. If they keep that up they're in for another long season. Browns can win this one and come back from the loss to Houston.
Jacksonville is next. Should still be Blaine Gabbert in there unless they lose their minds. The Browns can win yet another one here, but Jacksonville is another team that's given us trouble before.. Maybe a Colt McCoy hail mary into the endzone with five seconds left in the game......?
Then the rematch with Cinci. I still think we'll win this one. By this point, the Bengals should be completely exposed and firmly at the bottom of the AFC North. Cleveland might not walk all over them, but they'll win it and get their revenge.
Then for Baltimore and Pittsburgh. I still think that these two games are lost causes. Baltimore will win by three scores. Pittsburgh will win by a field goal in a game that they completely control from start to finish.
Then the Arizona game could go either way.
Then Baltimore and Pittsburgh again.. I think the Baltimore game will be another one that's not even close, but then the second Pittsburgh game could go either way. I think one team will win the game by 10 points.
New Season prediction: Between 7-9 and 10-6.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Browns Lose to Bengals
So...alright, this one sucked. Bad. This one was really bad, because for once everyone in the world was calling it for the Browns. We're actually the more experienced team for once in the match-up. We have the more experienced QB for once. Our RB didn't get out of jail five days ago. Our WR is a Cleveland hero, not a rookie. Our defense is healthy for once...
On Offense, we start the game like a first year expansion team, as usual. But then things start to turn around a little. Colt starts making some nice throws. Hillis never really gets going. Then, back to the expansion team.
On Defense, we start the game like a first year expansion team, as usual. But then things REALLY start to turn around. Joe Haden is all over anything thrown his way. We're making tackles, we're kind of stopping the run. We're getting pressure on Dalton to the point where we knock him out of the game.
Then, Cinci gets off an illegal snap (they substituted, the referee should've been standing over the ball until Cleveland was ready) and Bruce Gradkowski of all people hits a wide open AJ Green for his first touchdown. Awesome. Great job, guys.
Then...we can't do anything. Then we force a three and out. Then...we can't do anything. And the Cinci Defense isn't Superbowl caliber.. Based on this game, here's my predictions for the rest of the season:
vs. Indy:
Peyton Manning is out. Kerry Collins is in. The Colts are TERRIBLE without Manning. I predict that Kerry Collins pulls off some late game heroics and beats the Browns 21-20.
vs. Miami:
I know nothing about Miami, except that Reggie Bush will have over 200 yards rushing in this game. Colt will be picked off three times (all tipped passes). Miami wins 35-28.
vs. Titans:
We should easily be able to beat the Titans, so we won't. Titans win 5-3.
vs. Oakland:
Our first win of the season. 35-7.
vs. Seattle:
Our second win of the season. 42-14.
vs. SF:
Our third win of the season. 17-14.
vs. Houston:
We lose this one. This one might be 35-0.
vs. The Rams:
Not sure about this one. I feel like we can win it, but they wont. Or maybe they will. Final score 17-14, not sure which team has which score.
vs. Jax:
Is Luke McGown still the QB there? Browns win, 14-3.
vs. Cinci:
Browns obviously will look for revenge. They'll get it. Cinci is horrible. By now, Dalton will be on IR and Cedric Benson will be back in jail. 35-14 Cleveland.
vs. Baltimore:
Oh god.
vs. Pittsburgh:
Pittsburgh wins 3-0.
vs. Arizona:
Arizona wins 35-0.
vs. Baltimore:
Oh god.
vs. Pittsburgh:
Pittsburgh wins 13-10.
Final Record: 5-11. As usual.
On Offense, we start the game like a first year expansion team, as usual. But then things start to turn around a little. Colt starts making some nice throws. Hillis never really gets going. Then, back to the expansion team.
On Defense, we start the game like a first year expansion team, as usual. But then things REALLY start to turn around. Joe Haden is all over anything thrown his way. We're making tackles, we're kind of stopping the run. We're getting pressure on Dalton to the point where we knock him out of the game.
Then, Cinci gets off an illegal snap (they substituted, the referee should've been standing over the ball until Cleveland was ready) and Bruce Gradkowski of all people hits a wide open AJ Green for his first touchdown. Awesome. Great job, guys.
Then...we can't do anything. Then we force a three and out. Then...we can't do anything. And the Cinci Defense isn't Superbowl caliber.. Based on this game, here's my predictions for the rest of the season:
vs. Indy:
Peyton Manning is out. Kerry Collins is in. The Colts are TERRIBLE without Manning. I predict that Kerry Collins pulls off some late game heroics and beats the Browns 21-20.
vs. Miami:
I know nothing about Miami, except that Reggie Bush will have over 200 yards rushing in this game. Colt will be picked off three times (all tipped passes). Miami wins 35-28.
vs. Titans:
We should easily be able to beat the Titans, so we won't. Titans win 5-3.
vs. Oakland:
Our first win of the season. 35-7.
vs. Seattle:
Our second win of the season. 42-14.
vs. SF:
Our third win of the season. 17-14.
vs. Houston:
We lose this one. This one might be 35-0.
vs. The Rams:
Not sure about this one. I feel like we can win it, but they wont. Or maybe they will. Final score 17-14, not sure which team has which score.
vs. Jax:
Is Luke McGown still the QB there? Browns win, 14-3.
vs. Cinci:
Browns obviously will look for revenge. They'll get it. Cinci is horrible. By now, Dalton will be on IR and Cedric Benson will be back in jail. 35-14 Cleveland.
vs. Baltimore:
Oh god.
vs. Pittsburgh:
Pittsburgh wins 3-0.
vs. Arizona:
Arizona wins 35-0.
vs. Baltimore:
Oh god.
vs. Pittsburgh:
Pittsburgh wins 13-10.
Final Record: 5-11. As usual.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Slow down about Cobb
So (Green Bay's) Randall Cobb is getting all this run because of his
performance yesterday. I'm sorry, but
since when does having 2 receptions for 34 yds and 1 TD deserve this
praise. Yes, he ran a kickoff back, but
Josh Cribbs wouldn't have gotten that praise had he had those stats.
Everyone is going to pick this guy up in fantasy, and be
very disappointed by week 12 when he's back to being 4th on the depth chart
catching 1 ball a game. Typical
overreaction in week 1 of the NFL.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Browns Training Camp
More important Training Camp opinions later...but this one has to be first.
Are you kidding? Everyone get off the 480 bridge just because or freaking punter got hurt.
He's the damn punter, we'll be just fine with any other punter in the league, I promise. How many times have we switched punters in the last few years and been just fine. Geez, everyone calm the F down.
Are you kidding? Everyone get off the 480 bridge just because or freaking punter got hurt.
He's the damn punter, we'll be just fine with any other punter in the league, I promise. How many times have we switched punters in the last few years and been just fine. Geez, everyone calm the F down.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
LeBron's Mom
On behalf of all of Cleveland, I would like to break the news story that LeBron's mom hooked up with Dwyane Wade. Not only did she hook up with Wade, but she also quickly found herself in a situation where she was (willingly) being Eiffel-Towered by Wade and Miami Heat Forward Chris Bosh.
Soon after Mario Chalmers and Udonis Haslem entered the scene, and they all proceeded to "Run the Train" on King James' mom. Chalmers then started simply "directing traffic" out there, telling who to do what.
Mike Bibby showed up late to the party, but quickly meshed well into the mix. It was an all out gang bang on LeBron's mom.
Then, Ben Roethlisberger, who was partying in the area, got wind of this and attempted to join the party. Repulsed by "Big Ben", Gloria refused. Roethlisberger then proceeded to have his way with Gloria, as someone saying "no!" has never stopped him in the past.
Zydrunas Ilgouskas was quoted but we have no idea what he said, except for the part where he thanked Cleveland for all the memories and asked if Antawn Jamison was worth it.
More on this story as it develops.
Soon after Mario Chalmers and Udonis Haslem entered the scene, and they all proceeded to "Run the Train" on King James' mom. Chalmers then started simply "directing traffic" out there, telling who to do what.
Mike Bibby showed up late to the party, but quickly meshed well into the mix. It was an all out gang bang on LeBron's mom.
Then, Ben Roethlisberger, who was partying in the area, got wind of this and attempted to join the party. Repulsed by "Big Ben", Gloria refused. Roethlisberger then proceeded to have his way with Gloria, as someone saying "no!" has never stopped him in the past.
Zydrunas Ilgouskas was quoted but we have no idea what he said, except for the part where he thanked Cleveland for all the memories and asked if Antawn Jamison was worth it.
More on this story as it develops.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Indians Baseball
I know its early in the year, but the table below is just really nice to see. The Indians are getting it done with solid fundamental baseball. Good pitching from the starters and the bullpen, timely hitting, smart base running, and above average fielding. The one noticeable change between this year and the last few is the lack of mental collapses. The young players are holding it together even when they have a bad inning or two. I'm sure they won't sustain this all year, but we can at least enjoy it while its happening. Who knows, maybe they'll surprise us all and stay in contention throughout the whole year.
Go Tribe!
Go Tribe!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Wrestlemania, It's Over
The wrestling fan has lost. For now. Is there any other company, who deliberately and intentionally killed off their own fanbase? Has this ever happened before? Has any company ever said, all of the people who support our product, we actually want them all to go to hell and we want to appeal to this group of people instead? Has this happened before? Yes. The WWE actually did this once before in 1984. They had wrestlers going to war with each other, putting on technical wrestling and garbage wrestling bloodbaths. Then, Hogan showed up and suddenly it was all about the kids. We all watched Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage while growing up. Then we got older, but so did the WWE.
Then we had Shawn Michaels telling people to suck it and Steve Austin giving people the finger. WWE grew up with us. And now, instead of progressing even further forward, they did a complete 180, took out the entire wrestling aspect of it and replaced it with children's entertainment. Back to the beginning... Now we've gotta wait for Cena's children-fanbase to grow up and start hating their parents. Only then will we get the Cena heel turn and a return to prominence, but by then we'll all be 40. Awesome.
The WWE then keeps sprinkling in reminders of better times by throwing Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels.. or more recently Undertaker vs HHH at us. With Steve Austin and Rock, both long since retired getting to appear on screen every now and then.. But otherwise, there's no reason for any of us to watch anymore. This is now just bullshit for the kids. With an occasial character thrown in like CM Punk, who actually represents the adults trying to tell the kids what to do and how to live their lives. Or Jericho talking down on everyone else in the company like they're a piece of shit. (It's no secret that those two characters were everyone's favorite over the past couple years, but God forbid they step on the toes of the kids' favorite characters)
Shawn and HHH, two of the last guys left from better times, were reduced to being goofy kids, not parent-hating degenerates, but goofy kids. Cena? He's obviously a kid. Miz? I don't even know what he is. At Wrestlemania, we scored a win with The Rock costing Cena the belt. But so what? Rock's going to be gone in a few weeks, and even if we get the Rock vs Cena dream match at Summerslam or so, Cena will win because Rock is a true pro. (Austin sure as hell wouldn't do it, and I don't blame him).
So anyways, Wrestlemania. Let's look at it from a standpoint of the real fan who has been shunned by the WWE.
Match 1: World Title, Edge vs Del Rio
Ok, this on paper was the weakest championship match in Wrestlemania history. Del Rio is too new. Way too new to be the Rumble winner and thrown into a main event. And they realized this, probably the day of the show. Hence, here he is in the opening match, and he LOSES to Edge. This is absolultely a case of "our bad" on the WWE's part. Edge wins in 10 minutes, fairly clean. Match is **1/2 at most.
Match 2: Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes
They get about 10 minutes and Rhodes wins after some shenanigans with a face mask and a knee brace. Whatever. Match is **1/2 at most.
Snoop Dogg showed up for a retarded segment which ended up with Hornswaggle singing as a punch line. This felt like it took up 10 minutes of the show. It was the dumbest segment I've seen at Wrestlemania. Normally they knock these out of the park. (Rock calling Hurricane the Hamburgler?)
Match 3: 8 man tag, Wade Barrett and three guys against Kane, Big Show, and two other guys
Match was literally one minute long. I forgot who got the pin, but Big Show's team won. No match rating.
Match 4: CM Punk vs Randy Orton
This was better than it should have been. CM Punk is awesome and one of only a couple reasons left to watch this piece of shit product. Orton still sucks. Ten years later, Orton hasn't learned a damn thing, still wrestles the same shitty match. Punk carries Orton to his best match since... I don't know, I'm sure one of the Cena matches was better than this but I don't remember them. *** for the match. They got about 15 minutes.
Rock and Mae Young have an encounter. I really think she has video proof that she and Vince McMahon boned. Why else is she still around on TV? Then Rock and Steve Austin had an encounter which made me think they would fight before the night was over. Man, was I wrong there.
Match 5: Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole
This match got about 15 minutes also. It was awful, but not as bad as Bret-Vince from last year. This match also felt like it was an hour long. In my mind I watched Flair vs Steamboat from Wrestle War 89 twice in the amount of time I watched Cole - Lawler. Lawler wins with the ankle lock?? Not a pile driver? Come on! Come on!!!! REALLY!??! No rating, match blew, wasn't entertaining in any way. Then the GM reverses the decision cause Austin shoved Cole. Whatever. Then Booker T got a stunner.
Match 6: Undertaker vs HHH
Awesome match, but it won't hold up watching it a second time. Watching it again it will be boring as shit. But live, oh man. I was actually worried HHH had him. When HHH gave him that tombstone, I thought that could've been it for Taker. I still don't like that submission move Taker uses, it's like a retarded version of the real thing from UFC, but whatever. He's trying. At age 59, the Undertaker is still a better wrestler/performer than any of these new guys. So is HHH. Live, this gets about ****1/2. Watching it again, I fear it will get about **. That's the big difference between this match and the HBK - Taker matches. Those were entertaining as hell and action packed. This one was all drama/storyline. They went about 30 minutes and HHH beat the shit out of Taker, and then was outsmarted for the finish by the guy who can't be beaten. It was awesome.
Undertaker is a paradox. He debuted in the WWE at age 26. He won his first Wrestlemania at age 27. He beat HHH at WM17 at age 37. He beat him again at WM 27 at age 47. From age 26 through about 45, Undertaker..to put it simply..sucked. He sucked. He didn't do a damn thing in the ring except look intimidating. And now, at the time when every other wrestler starts losing their shit and unable to go anymore, he's getting better. He's now having the matches that will define him. He now having the matches we'll remember forever. Where the hell has he been for the past 20 years?!
Anyways.. Match 7: Snooki, Trish, and Morrison vs Taker's Wife, Someone else, and Dolph Ziggler
Dolph Ziggler - another example: They took the least talented member of the god awful "Spirit Squad" and brought him back full time. "Johnny" of the spirit squad was a Daniel Bryan-like indie wrestler "Johnny Jeter" who would be able to wrestle circles around any of the other guys in that group. Nevermind. Snooki pins one of the other girls in the match for the win. They got 5 minutes. That's 4 minutes longer than the 8 man tag got, which actually featured some wrestlers. Either * or no rating. Not sure. It sucked.
Match 8: US Title, Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus
Oh wait, this didn't happen. This didn't happen so we could have a Snoop Dogg/Hornswaggle skit, a 15 minute match featuring announcers, and a 5 minute Snooki match. FUCK YOU, WWE. Entire show's overall rating deducted one star for cutting a "Wrestling Match"
Match 9: WWE Title, John Cena vs Miz
This is the second weakest championship match in WWE history. After a slow start, things picked up a little, then just as they got going, sports entertainment took over. Rock gives Cena a Rock Bottom and Miz gets the pin. Match was about 15 minutes. The entrances were actually longer. Match gets *1/2. Rock then beats everyone up to end the show.
How they didn't either go with Cena vs Rock one on one, or Cena vs Miz vs Rock as a three way is just beyond me. But whatever, it's for the kids now.
The average match rating for this show is 14 (match totals) - 1 (danielson vs sheamus) = 13 / 9 matches = ~1.444 (less than *1/2 overall for the show. That's fucking awful.)
Now, for fun, based on memory, let me go back to WM9 and WM13. Those, off hand are the worst ones I can think of. WM1 was also really terrible, but that one gets a pass because it was such a success that we still have WM to this day.
WM9:
Tatanka vs Shawn ***
Steiners vs Samoans *
Doink vs Crush *
Razor vs Backlund *
Hogan/Beefcake vs Money Inc **
Luger vs Perfect **1/2
Bret vs Yoko **
Taker vs Gonzales *
Hogan vs Yoko NR
1.5!!!~!
WM13:
Four Way Tag *1/2
Rocky vs Fatu *1/2
HHH vs Goldust **
Owen/Bulldog vs Vader/Mankind (??) *1/2
Bret vs Austin (one of the best matches ever. EVER.) *****
LOD vs Nation Street Fight (actually a pretty wild ECW type brawl) ***1/2
Taker vs Sid *
2.2!!!
So, based on my memory, it's official. Wrestlemania 27 is actually the worst Wrestlemania of all time. And I do believe time will show us this. Wrestlemania 9 was pretty bad, but it was at least memorable. Wrestlemania 13 was bad, but it had one of the best matches of all time. We're not going to remember this Wrestlemania in three years. It had nothing. It had a solid HHH vs Undertaker match, but other than that, it had NOTHING. The only way it's memorable is if this turned out to be Taker's final match but I don't think that's the case.
It was a piece of shit, utter crap, BUT, I bet the kids loved it and cant wait to see Cena get revenge on The Rock.
Then we had Shawn Michaels telling people to suck it and Steve Austin giving people the finger. WWE grew up with us. And now, instead of progressing even further forward, they did a complete 180, took out the entire wrestling aspect of it and replaced it with children's entertainment. Back to the beginning... Now we've gotta wait for Cena's children-fanbase to grow up and start hating their parents. Only then will we get the Cena heel turn and a return to prominence, but by then we'll all be 40. Awesome.
The WWE then keeps sprinkling in reminders of better times by throwing Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels.. or more recently Undertaker vs HHH at us. With Steve Austin and Rock, both long since retired getting to appear on screen every now and then.. But otherwise, there's no reason for any of us to watch anymore. This is now just bullshit for the kids. With an occasial character thrown in like CM Punk, who actually represents the adults trying to tell the kids what to do and how to live their lives. Or Jericho talking down on everyone else in the company like they're a piece of shit. (It's no secret that those two characters were everyone's favorite over the past couple years, but God forbid they step on the toes of the kids' favorite characters)
Shawn and HHH, two of the last guys left from better times, were reduced to being goofy kids, not parent-hating degenerates, but goofy kids. Cena? He's obviously a kid. Miz? I don't even know what he is. At Wrestlemania, we scored a win with The Rock costing Cena the belt. But so what? Rock's going to be gone in a few weeks, and even if we get the Rock vs Cena dream match at Summerslam or so, Cena will win because Rock is a true pro. (Austin sure as hell wouldn't do it, and I don't blame him).
So anyways, Wrestlemania. Let's look at it from a standpoint of the real fan who has been shunned by the WWE.
Match 1: World Title, Edge vs Del Rio
Ok, this on paper was the weakest championship match in Wrestlemania history. Del Rio is too new. Way too new to be the Rumble winner and thrown into a main event. And they realized this, probably the day of the show. Hence, here he is in the opening match, and he LOSES to Edge. This is absolultely a case of "our bad" on the WWE's part. Edge wins in 10 minutes, fairly clean. Match is **1/2 at most.
Match 2: Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes
They get about 10 minutes and Rhodes wins after some shenanigans with a face mask and a knee brace. Whatever. Match is **1/2 at most.
Snoop Dogg showed up for a retarded segment which ended up with Hornswaggle singing as a punch line. This felt like it took up 10 minutes of the show. It was the dumbest segment I've seen at Wrestlemania. Normally they knock these out of the park. (Rock calling Hurricane the Hamburgler?)
Match 3: 8 man tag, Wade Barrett and three guys against Kane, Big Show, and two other guys
Match was literally one minute long. I forgot who got the pin, but Big Show's team won. No match rating.
Match 4: CM Punk vs Randy Orton
This was better than it should have been. CM Punk is awesome and one of only a couple reasons left to watch this piece of shit product. Orton still sucks. Ten years later, Orton hasn't learned a damn thing, still wrestles the same shitty match. Punk carries Orton to his best match since... I don't know, I'm sure one of the Cena matches was better than this but I don't remember them. *** for the match. They got about 15 minutes.
Rock and Mae Young have an encounter. I really think she has video proof that she and Vince McMahon boned. Why else is she still around on TV? Then Rock and Steve Austin had an encounter which made me think they would fight before the night was over. Man, was I wrong there.
Match 5: Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole
This match got about 15 minutes also. It was awful, but not as bad as Bret-Vince from last year. This match also felt like it was an hour long. In my mind I watched Flair vs Steamboat from Wrestle War 89 twice in the amount of time I watched Cole - Lawler. Lawler wins with the ankle lock?? Not a pile driver? Come on! Come on!!!! REALLY!??! No rating, match blew, wasn't entertaining in any way. Then the GM reverses the decision cause Austin shoved Cole. Whatever. Then Booker T got a stunner.
Match 6: Undertaker vs HHH
Awesome match, but it won't hold up watching it a second time. Watching it again it will be boring as shit. But live, oh man. I was actually worried HHH had him. When HHH gave him that tombstone, I thought that could've been it for Taker. I still don't like that submission move Taker uses, it's like a retarded version of the real thing from UFC, but whatever. He's trying. At age 59, the Undertaker is still a better wrestler/performer than any of these new guys. So is HHH. Live, this gets about ****1/2. Watching it again, I fear it will get about **. That's the big difference between this match and the HBK - Taker matches. Those were entertaining as hell and action packed. This one was all drama/storyline. They went about 30 minutes and HHH beat the shit out of Taker, and then was outsmarted for the finish by the guy who can't be beaten. It was awesome.
Undertaker is a paradox. He debuted in the WWE at age 26. He won his first Wrestlemania at age 27. He beat HHH at WM17 at age 37. He beat him again at WM 27 at age 47. From age 26 through about 45, Undertaker..to put it simply..sucked. He sucked. He didn't do a damn thing in the ring except look intimidating. And now, at the time when every other wrestler starts losing their shit and unable to go anymore, he's getting better. He's now having the matches that will define him. He now having the matches we'll remember forever. Where the hell has he been for the past 20 years?!
Anyways.. Match 7: Snooki, Trish, and Morrison vs Taker's Wife, Someone else, and Dolph Ziggler
Dolph Ziggler - another example: They took the least talented member of the god awful "Spirit Squad" and brought him back full time. "Johnny" of the spirit squad was a Daniel Bryan-like indie wrestler "Johnny Jeter" who would be able to wrestle circles around any of the other guys in that group. Nevermind. Snooki pins one of the other girls in the match for the win. They got 5 minutes. That's 4 minutes longer than the 8 man tag got, which actually featured some wrestlers. Either * or no rating. Not sure. It sucked.
Match 8: US Title, Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus
Oh wait, this didn't happen. This didn't happen so we could have a Snoop Dogg/Hornswaggle skit, a 15 minute match featuring announcers, and a 5 minute Snooki match. FUCK YOU, WWE. Entire show's overall rating deducted one star for cutting a "Wrestling Match"
Match 9: WWE Title, John Cena vs Miz
This is the second weakest championship match in WWE history. After a slow start, things picked up a little, then just as they got going, sports entertainment took over. Rock gives Cena a Rock Bottom and Miz gets the pin. Match was about 15 minutes. The entrances were actually longer. Match gets *1/2. Rock then beats everyone up to end the show.
How they didn't either go with Cena vs Rock one on one, or Cena vs Miz vs Rock as a three way is just beyond me. But whatever, it's for the kids now.
The average match rating for this show is 14 (match totals) - 1 (danielson vs sheamus) = 13 / 9 matches = ~1.444 (less than *1/2 overall for the show. That's fucking awful.)
Now, for fun, based on memory, let me go back to WM9 and WM13. Those, off hand are the worst ones I can think of. WM1 was also really terrible, but that one gets a pass because it was such a success that we still have WM to this day.
WM9:
Tatanka vs Shawn ***
Steiners vs Samoans *
Doink vs Crush *
Razor vs Backlund *
Hogan/Beefcake vs Money Inc **
Luger vs Perfect **1/2
Bret vs Yoko **
Taker vs Gonzales *
Hogan vs Yoko NR
1.5!!!~!
WM13:
Four Way Tag *1/2
Rocky vs Fatu *1/2
HHH vs Goldust **
Owen/Bulldog vs Vader/Mankind (??) *1/2
Bret vs Austin (one of the best matches ever. EVER.) *****
LOD vs Nation Street Fight (actually a pretty wild ECW type brawl) ***1/2
Taker vs Sid *
2.2!!!
So, based on my memory, it's official. Wrestlemania 27 is actually the worst Wrestlemania of all time. And I do believe time will show us this. Wrestlemania 9 was pretty bad, but it was at least memorable. Wrestlemania 13 was bad, but it had one of the best matches of all time. We're not going to remember this Wrestlemania in three years. It had nothing. It had a solid HHH vs Undertaker match, but other than that, it had NOTHING. The only way it's memorable is if this turned out to be Taker's final match but I don't think that's the case.
It was a piece of shit, utter crap, BUT, I bet the kids loved it and cant wait to see Cena get revenge on The Rock.
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