I'm a little torn on this show, but overall was happy with it.. First post in a while here on the blog, why not it be about Wrestlemania?
Show started with Daniel Bryan defending the World Heavyweight Title against Sheamus. I hate Sheamus. He's a worthless wrestler. He's an awful character. There's absolutely nothing good about him and I feel like he's positioned to become another Randy Orton.. (The guy who accomplished absolutely nothing other than management saying: "You're going to be our new guy.") Sheamus won the Royal Rumble and picked Bryan as his Wrestlemania opponent. I rule I've become to hate, because you shouldn't create feuds for Wrestlemania, Wrestlemania should be the culmination of a feud.... Anyways. The crowd boos Sheamus during his intro (rightfully so) and then cheers Daniel Bryan. Half the crowd is screaming "YES!" over and over (Daniel Bryan's catchphrase of sorts) and have "YES!" signs in the crowd.
Front row: 10 people, each with a sign that says "YES!". And then, the WWE decides to have Sheamus win with one kick to the head. Match was 18 seconds long. Sheamus beats Daniel Bryan to no reaction from the crowd, just a bunch of people who couldn't believe what they just saw. The WWE now looks like ASSHOLES. They've deflated the crowd. The crowd no longer gives a shit. We're 2 minutes into WRESTLEMANIA and suddenly no one gives a shit anymore and we all hate this show. Negative Five Stars.
Second Match: Randy Orton versus Kane. This match was absolutely terrible and boring as we would all expect. Then Kane, the villain, wins clean. This will naturally set up Orton v Kane, Anything Goes next month and we'll get to watch this awful match all over again. This match was 10 minutes long and the only thing I remember was an 8 minute headlock before Kane won with a chokeslam off the top rope. Zero Stars. Match was boring as hell and made me start to drink.
Third Match: Big Show challenges Cody Rhodes for the Intercontinental Title. Another stupid, pointless match. This was another feud where which happened AFTER the match was announced. Show wins the Intercontinental Title clean; I don't even remember how. Another zero star match where nothing happened.
Fourth Match: The Divas Tag. I didn't watch any of this. I did other things.
Fifth Match: Hell in a Cell, Undertaker versus HHH. This match, looking back on it, was a war. It started with Taker in control, then HHH got the upperhand, then Taker came back and won. Taker started off strong, then HHH got the advantage, leading to a similar battle like last year's match. HHH just kept hammering Taker and couldn't keep him down. Shawn was pleading with him to stop the fight, everything. Taker kept getting up. Then Taker made the comeback he never made last year. The two matches played off each other perfectly. The Hell in a Cell wasn't really a factor, but it's always a nice visual. Aside from one Superkick from Shawn (because he just wanted the match ended, for both competitors' sakes..) He was completely impartial. When Taker made the comeback he never made a year ago, it was fantastic. It was HHH absolutely being pummeled into jello. Then Taker smashed him with his own sledgehammer and tombstoned him for the win. It was a fantastic match and I'll give it Four and a half stars. Initially, I said that last year's match was better, but it wasn't. This year's was better, but only because of last year's match. Taker got his revenge and destroyed The Game.
They all walked out together and hugged, this could be an unofficial retirement match for all three involved..
Sixth Match: The 12 man tag. How can you screw up a 12 man tag? No flow, no anarchy, no anything. Match was boring as hell. Then Zack Ryder FINALLY got involved and then just lost to the Miz. Match was awful. Everyone in it was awful. Completely pointless. Zero stars.
Seventh Match: WWE Championship, CM Punk defending against Chris Jericho. Very slow start to this one, then it picked up nicely. Just a good solid match, but I felt like they could've done more. I'll give it Four Stars. CM Punk winning assures me that he's around to stay as a top guy. He's quickly getting on the WWE's imaginary ranks of Cena and Orton levels. But CM Punk actually deserves his spot. He wasn't just picked. I don't know what is next for Jericho unless they do a rematch next month. Or maybe this was it for Jericho and he's going back to his band?
Eighth Match: John Cena versus The Rock. This match was great, except for Cena's odd choice of using a bear hug multiple times. Other than that, absolutely fantastic. Energy was off the charts, Cena was boo'ed out of the building. Rock was cheered like a hero. They were in Miami, so that's no shock. Rock actually won this match. Which was insanely shocking. Had Cena won, they would've needed that Brock Lesnar run in to save things. But he didn't, Rock did. Great match, great sequences, great effort. Rock hasn't lost a step. He had that warm up match back in November, but never really needed to get going in that one. Here, he had the spotlight and didn't disappoint. Four and a half stars, easily.
So - I'm torn on this show, because the top four matches... one of them wasn't a match and the other three kicked ass. So what was really hyped delivered.. and the rest was complete garbage. But with three fantastic matches... Let's see how that stacks up against the rest of the Wrestlemania's:
1: no good matches. (0)
2: one decent tag team match. (0)
3: biggest match ever, but awful; possible best match ever.. (1)
4: no good matches, long and boring (0)
5: long and boring, one great main event (1)
6: long and boring, one great main event (1)
7: great main event; then possible best match ever.. (2)
8: two great matches...(2)
9: nothing
10: two of the best matches ever, otherwise garbage (2)
11: nothing at all, then the best celeb match ever.. (1?)
12: boring or stupid from start to finish, (yes, including the Ironman match...) (0)
13: garbage and then one of the best matches ever (1)
14: overall a fun show, but nothing spectacular... Good main event (1)
15: garbage, and a good main event (1)
16: two good undercard matches, otherwise crap.. (2 barely)
17: probably the best WWE show ever: (vince v shane in a fun match; THE TLC match you remember; HHH v Taker in an all out brawl; angle v benoit in a masterpiece; and a possible best match ever with austin v rock) (5)
18: lots of average matches and then rock v hogan (1)
19: another good show (austin v rock; booker v hhh; hardy v mysterio; angle v lesnar; jericho v shawn) (5, but less important matches)
20: around three good matches, surrounded by crap. (3)
21: crap. crap. crap. and michaels v angle in one of the best matches ever (1)
22: long and forgettable. good cena v hhh main event (1)
23: long and forgettable. I think this was the donald trump show.. good main event(1)
24: edge v taker and nothing else i remember (1)
25: lots of nothing, an awful kid rock concert, and then possibly the best match ever with shawn v taker.. (1)
26: a very well planned wrestlemania.. (edge v jericho; cena v batista; shawn v taker) and a bunch of other average matches.. nothing terrible. (3)
27: this is the worst wrestlemania of all time. the main events were edge v del rio; cena v miz; and hhh v taker. HHH v taker was great, everything else was complete garbage. iron sheik f's this show and makes it humble. (1)
28: (cena v rock; jericho v punk; hhh v taker) (3)..
So..this was actually one of the better ones. Even with the horrendous start. This actually makes (wrestling-wise) 17 the best, followed by 19, then 20, 26, and 28. Dare I say this was the fifth best Wrestlemania ever, strictly by the good match count?
I'm somewhat shocked I came to this conclusion.
Good show, WWE. But F you for the Daniel Bryan match. Two years in a row.
Showing posts with label Wrestlemania. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wrestlemania. Show all posts
Monday, April 2, 2012
Monday, April 4, 2011
Wrestlemania, It's Over
The wrestling fan has lost. For now. Is there any other company, who deliberately and intentionally killed off their own fanbase? Has this ever happened before? Has any company ever said, all of the people who support our product, we actually want them all to go to hell and we want to appeal to this group of people instead? Has this happened before? Yes. The WWE actually did this once before in 1984. They had wrestlers going to war with each other, putting on technical wrestling and garbage wrestling bloodbaths. Then, Hogan showed up and suddenly it was all about the kids. We all watched Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage while growing up. Then we got older, but so did the WWE.
Then we had Shawn Michaels telling people to suck it and Steve Austin giving people the finger. WWE grew up with us. And now, instead of progressing even further forward, they did a complete 180, took out the entire wrestling aspect of it and replaced it with children's entertainment. Back to the beginning... Now we've gotta wait for Cena's children-fanbase to grow up and start hating their parents. Only then will we get the Cena heel turn and a return to prominence, but by then we'll all be 40. Awesome.
The WWE then keeps sprinkling in reminders of better times by throwing Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels.. or more recently Undertaker vs HHH at us. With Steve Austin and Rock, both long since retired getting to appear on screen every now and then.. But otherwise, there's no reason for any of us to watch anymore. This is now just bullshit for the kids. With an occasial character thrown in like CM Punk, who actually represents the adults trying to tell the kids what to do and how to live their lives. Or Jericho talking down on everyone else in the company like they're a piece of shit. (It's no secret that those two characters were everyone's favorite over the past couple years, but God forbid they step on the toes of the kids' favorite characters)
Shawn and HHH, two of the last guys left from better times, were reduced to being goofy kids, not parent-hating degenerates, but goofy kids. Cena? He's obviously a kid. Miz? I don't even know what he is. At Wrestlemania, we scored a win with The Rock costing Cena the belt. But so what? Rock's going to be gone in a few weeks, and even if we get the Rock vs Cena dream match at Summerslam or so, Cena will win because Rock is a true pro. (Austin sure as hell wouldn't do it, and I don't blame him).
So anyways, Wrestlemania. Let's look at it from a standpoint of the real fan who has been shunned by the WWE.
Match 1: World Title, Edge vs Del Rio
Ok, this on paper was the weakest championship match in Wrestlemania history. Del Rio is too new. Way too new to be the Rumble winner and thrown into a main event. And they realized this, probably the day of the show. Hence, here he is in the opening match, and he LOSES to Edge. This is absolultely a case of "our bad" on the WWE's part. Edge wins in 10 minutes, fairly clean. Match is **1/2 at most.
Match 2: Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes
They get about 10 minutes and Rhodes wins after some shenanigans with a face mask and a knee brace. Whatever. Match is **1/2 at most.
Snoop Dogg showed up for a retarded segment which ended up with Hornswaggle singing as a punch line. This felt like it took up 10 minutes of the show. It was the dumbest segment I've seen at Wrestlemania. Normally they knock these out of the park. (Rock calling Hurricane the Hamburgler?)
Match 3: 8 man tag, Wade Barrett and three guys against Kane, Big Show, and two other guys
Match was literally one minute long. I forgot who got the pin, but Big Show's team won. No match rating.
Match 4: CM Punk vs Randy Orton
This was better than it should have been. CM Punk is awesome and one of only a couple reasons left to watch this piece of shit product. Orton still sucks. Ten years later, Orton hasn't learned a damn thing, still wrestles the same shitty match. Punk carries Orton to his best match since... I don't know, I'm sure one of the Cena matches was better than this but I don't remember them. *** for the match. They got about 15 minutes.
Rock and Mae Young have an encounter. I really think she has video proof that she and Vince McMahon boned. Why else is she still around on TV? Then Rock and Steve Austin had an encounter which made me think they would fight before the night was over. Man, was I wrong there.
Match 5: Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole
This match got about 15 minutes also. It was awful, but not as bad as Bret-Vince from last year. This match also felt like it was an hour long. In my mind I watched Flair vs Steamboat from Wrestle War 89 twice in the amount of time I watched Cole - Lawler. Lawler wins with the ankle lock?? Not a pile driver? Come on! Come on!!!! REALLY!??! No rating, match blew, wasn't entertaining in any way. Then the GM reverses the decision cause Austin shoved Cole. Whatever. Then Booker T got a stunner.
Match 6: Undertaker vs HHH
Awesome match, but it won't hold up watching it a second time. Watching it again it will be boring as shit. But live, oh man. I was actually worried HHH had him. When HHH gave him that tombstone, I thought that could've been it for Taker. I still don't like that submission move Taker uses, it's like a retarded version of the real thing from UFC, but whatever. He's trying. At age 59, the Undertaker is still a better wrestler/performer than any of these new guys. So is HHH. Live, this gets about ****1/2. Watching it again, I fear it will get about **. That's the big difference between this match and the HBK - Taker matches. Those were entertaining as hell and action packed. This one was all drama/storyline. They went about 30 minutes and HHH beat the shit out of Taker, and then was outsmarted for the finish by the guy who can't be beaten. It was awesome.
Undertaker is a paradox. He debuted in the WWE at age 26. He won his first Wrestlemania at age 27. He beat HHH at WM17 at age 37. He beat him again at WM 27 at age 47. From age 26 through about 45, Undertaker..to put it simply..sucked. He sucked. He didn't do a damn thing in the ring except look intimidating. And now, at the time when every other wrestler starts losing their shit and unable to go anymore, he's getting better. He's now having the matches that will define him. He now having the matches we'll remember forever. Where the hell has he been for the past 20 years?!
Anyways.. Match 7: Snooki, Trish, and Morrison vs Taker's Wife, Someone else, and Dolph Ziggler
Dolph Ziggler - another example: They took the least talented member of the god awful "Spirit Squad" and brought him back full time. "Johnny" of the spirit squad was a Daniel Bryan-like indie wrestler "Johnny Jeter" who would be able to wrestle circles around any of the other guys in that group. Nevermind. Snooki pins one of the other girls in the match for the win. They got 5 minutes. That's 4 minutes longer than the 8 man tag got, which actually featured some wrestlers. Either * or no rating. Not sure. It sucked.
Match 8: US Title, Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus
Oh wait, this didn't happen. This didn't happen so we could have a Snoop Dogg/Hornswaggle skit, a 15 minute match featuring announcers, and a 5 minute Snooki match. FUCK YOU, WWE. Entire show's overall rating deducted one star for cutting a "Wrestling Match"
Match 9: WWE Title, John Cena vs Miz
This is the second weakest championship match in WWE history. After a slow start, things picked up a little, then just as they got going, sports entertainment took over. Rock gives Cena a Rock Bottom and Miz gets the pin. Match was about 15 minutes. The entrances were actually longer. Match gets *1/2. Rock then beats everyone up to end the show.
How they didn't either go with Cena vs Rock one on one, or Cena vs Miz vs Rock as a three way is just beyond me. But whatever, it's for the kids now.
The average match rating for this show is 14 (match totals) - 1 (danielson vs sheamus) = 13 / 9 matches = ~1.444 (less than *1/2 overall for the show. That's fucking awful.)
Now, for fun, based on memory, let me go back to WM9 and WM13. Those, off hand are the worst ones I can think of. WM1 was also really terrible, but that one gets a pass because it was such a success that we still have WM to this day.
WM9:
Tatanka vs Shawn ***
Steiners vs Samoans *
Doink vs Crush *
Razor vs Backlund *
Hogan/Beefcake vs Money Inc **
Luger vs Perfect **1/2
Bret vs Yoko **
Taker vs Gonzales *
Hogan vs Yoko NR
1.5!!!~!
WM13:
Four Way Tag *1/2
Rocky vs Fatu *1/2
HHH vs Goldust **
Owen/Bulldog vs Vader/Mankind (??) *1/2
Bret vs Austin (one of the best matches ever. EVER.) *****
LOD vs Nation Street Fight (actually a pretty wild ECW type brawl) ***1/2
Taker vs Sid *
2.2!!!
So, based on my memory, it's official. Wrestlemania 27 is actually the worst Wrestlemania of all time. And I do believe time will show us this. Wrestlemania 9 was pretty bad, but it was at least memorable. Wrestlemania 13 was bad, but it had one of the best matches of all time. We're not going to remember this Wrestlemania in three years. It had nothing. It had a solid HHH vs Undertaker match, but other than that, it had NOTHING. The only way it's memorable is if this turned out to be Taker's final match but I don't think that's the case.
It was a piece of shit, utter crap, BUT, I bet the kids loved it and cant wait to see Cena get revenge on The Rock.
Then we had Shawn Michaels telling people to suck it and Steve Austin giving people the finger. WWE grew up with us. And now, instead of progressing even further forward, they did a complete 180, took out the entire wrestling aspect of it and replaced it with children's entertainment. Back to the beginning... Now we've gotta wait for Cena's children-fanbase to grow up and start hating their parents. Only then will we get the Cena heel turn and a return to prominence, but by then we'll all be 40. Awesome.
The WWE then keeps sprinkling in reminders of better times by throwing Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels.. or more recently Undertaker vs HHH at us. With Steve Austin and Rock, both long since retired getting to appear on screen every now and then.. But otherwise, there's no reason for any of us to watch anymore. This is now just bullshit for the kids. With an occasial character thrown in like CM Punk, who actually represents the adults trying to tell the kids what to do and how to live their lives. Or Jericho talking down on everyone else in the company like they're a piece of shit. (It's no secret that those two characters were everyone's favorite over the past couple years, but God forbid they step on the toes of the kids' favorite characters)
Shawn and HHH, two of the last guys left from better times, were reduced to being goofy kids, not parent-hating degenerates, but goofy kids. Cena? He's obviously a kid. Miz? I don't even know what he is. At Wrestlemania, we scored a win with The Rock costing Cena the belt. But so what? Rock's going to be gone in a few weeks, and even if we get the Rock vs Cena dream match at Summerslam or so, Cena will win because Rock is a true pro. (Austin sure as hell wouldn't do it, and I don't blame him).
So anyways, Wrestlemania. Let's look at it from a standpoint of the real fan who has been shunned by the WWE.
Match 1: World Title, Edge vs Del Rio
Ok, this on paper was the weakest championship match in Wrestlemania history. Del Rio is too new. Way too new to be the Rumble winner and thrown into a main event. And they realized this, probably the day of the show. Hence, here he is in the opening match, and he LOSES to Edge. This is absolultely a case of "our bad" on the WWE's part. Edge wins in 10 minutes, fairly clean. Match is **1/2 at most.
Match 2: Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes
They get about 10 minutes and Rhodes wins after some shenanigans with a face mask and a knee brace. Whatever. Match is **1/2 at most.
Snoop Dogg showed up for a retarded segment which ended up with Hornswaggle singing as a punch line. This felt like it took up 10 minutes of the show. It was the dumbest segment I've seen at Wrestlemania. Normally they knock these out of the park. (Rock calling Hurricane the Hamburgler?)
Match 3: 8 man tag, Wade Barrett and three guys against Kane, Big Show, and two other guys
Match was literally one minute long. I forgot who got the pin, but Big Show's team won. No match rating.
Match 4: CM Punk vs Randy Orton
This was better than it should have been. CM Punk is awesome and one of only a couple reasons left to watch this piece of shit product. Orton still sucks. Ten years later, Orton hasn't learned a damn thing, still wrestles the same shitty match. Punk carries Orton to his best match since... I don't know, I'm sure one of the Cena matches was better than this but I don't remember them. *** for the match. They got about 15 minutes.
Rock and Mae Young have an encounter. I really think she has video proof that she and Vince McMahon boned. Why else is she still around on TV? Then Rock and Steve Austin had an encounter which made me think they would fight before the night was over. Man, was I wrong there.
Match 5: Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole
This match got about 15 minutes also. It was awful, but not as bad as Bret-Vince from last year. This match also felt like it was an hour long. In my mind I watched Flair vs Steamboat from Wrestle War 89 twice in the amount of time I watched Cole - Lawler. Lawler wins with the ankle lock?? Not a pile driver? Come on! Come on!!!! REALLY!??! No rating, match blew, wasn't entertaining in any way. Then the GM reverses the decision cause Austin shoved Cole. Whatever. Then Booker T got a stunner.
Match 6: Undertaker vs HHH
Awesome match, but it won't hold up watching it a second time. Watching it again it will be boring as shit. But live, oh man. I was actually worried HHH had him. When HHH gave him that tombstone, I thought that could've been it for Taker. I still don't like that submission move Taker uses, it's like a retarded version of the real thing from UFC, but whatever. He's trying. At age 59, the Undertaker is still a better wrestler/performer than any of these new guys. So is HHH. Live, this gets about ****1/2. Watching it again, I fear it will get about **. That's the big difference between this match and the HBK - Taker matches. Those were entertaining as hell and action packed. This one was all drama/storyline. They went about 30 minutes and HHH beat the shit out of Taker, and then was outsmarted for the finish by the guy who can't be beaten. It was awesome.
Undertaker is a paradox. He debuted in the WWE at age 26. He won his first Wrestlemania at age 27. He beat HHH at WM17 at age 37. He beat him again at WM 27 at age 47. From age 26 through about 45, Undertaker..to put it simply..sucked. He sucked. He didn't do a damn thing in the ring except look intimidating. And now, at the time when every other wrestler starts losing their shit and unable to go anymore, he's getting better. He's now having the matches that will define him. He now having the matches we'll remember forever. Where the hell has he been for the past 20 years?!
Anyways.. Match 7: Snooki, Trish, and Morrison vs Taker's Wife, Someone else, and Dolph Ziggler
Dolph Ziggler - another example: They took the least talented member of the god awful "Spirit Squad" and brought him back full time. "Johnny" of the spirit squad was a Daniel Bryan-like indie wrestler "Johnny Jeter" who would be able to wrestle circles around any of the other guys in that group. Nevermind. Snooki pins one of the other girls in the match for the win. They got 5 minutes. That's 4 minutes longer than the 8 man tag got, which actually featured some wrestlers. Either * or no rating. Not sure. It sucked.
Match 8: US Title, Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus
Oh wait, this didn't happen. This didn't happen so we could have a Snoop Dogg/Hornswaggle skit, a 15 minute match featuring announcers, and a 5 minute Snooki match. FUCK YOU, WWE. Entire show's overall rating deducted one star for cutting a "Wrestling Match"
Match 9: WWE Title, John Cena vs Miz
This is the second weakest championship match in WWE history. After a slow start, things picked up a little, then just as they got going, sports entertainment took over. Rock gives Cena a Rock Bottom and Miz gets the pin. Match was about 15 minutes. The entrances were actually longer. Match gets *1/2. Rock then beats everyone up to end the show.
How they didn't either go with Cena vs Rock one on one, or Cena vs Miz vs Rock as a three way is just beyond me. But whatever, it's for the kids now.
The average match rating for this show is 14 (match totals) - 1 (danielson vs sheamus) = 13 / 9 matches = ~1.444 (less than *1/2 overall for the show. That's fucking awful.)
Now, for fun, based on memory, let me go back to WM9 and WM13. Those, off hand are the worst ones I can think of. WM1 was also really terrible, but that one gets a pass because it was such a success that we still have WM to this day.
WM9:
Tatanka vs Shawn ***
Steiners vs Samoans *
Doink vs Crush *
Razor vs Backlund *
Hogan/Beefcake vs Money Inc **
Luger vs Perfect **1/2
Bret vs Yoko **
Taker vs Gonzales *
Hogan vs Yoko NR
1.5!!!~!
WM13:
Four Way Tag *1/2
Rocky vs Fatu *1/2
HHH vs Goldust **
Owen/Bulldog vs Vader/Mankind (??) *1/2
Bret vs Austin (one of the best matches ever. EVER.) *****
LOD vs Nation Street Fight (actually a pretty wild ECW type brawl) ***1/2
Taker vs Sid *
2.2!!!
So, based on my memory, it's official. Wrestlemania 27 is actually the worst Wrestlemania of all time. And I do believe time will show us this. Wrestlemania 9 was pretty bad, but it was at least memorable. Wrestlemania 13 was bad, but it had one of the best matches of all time. We're not going to remember this Wrestlemania in three years. It had nothing. It had a solid HHH vs Undertaker match, but other than that, it had NOTHING. The only way it's memorable is if this turned out to be Taker's final match but I don't think that's the case.
It was a piece of shit, utter crap, BUT, I bet the kids loved it and cant wait to see Cena get revenge on The Rock.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wrestlemania
First Match: Tag Team Titles - Big Show and Miz defend against John Morrison and R-Truth.
These four are fighting each other for no reason that I know of. Show punched Morrison and got the pin in like 4 minutes. *1/2.
Triple Threat: Randy Orton against Ted DiBiase against Cody Rhodes.
So these guys all used to be friends, then DiBiase and Rhodes got sick of Orton and Orton thought DiBiase and Rhodes were jackoffs. So Rhodes and DiBiase attack Orton week after week, and this Triple Threat match is made for 'Mania. It was Rhodes and DiBiase beating on Orton for about five minutes, then they fight over who gets to actually beat Orton. So Orton kicks their asses, then he pins DiBiase after an RKO. **1/2.
Money in the Bank: Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Evan Bourne vs. MVP vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Matt Hardy vs. Kane.
So there's ten guys, all with nothing else to do on this show, and a briefcase hanging from the roof. The object is to use a ladder to grab the briefcase. Inside the briefcase is a guaranteed Championship match for whenever you want. Literally. Former winners have cashed this thing in after the current Champion is beaten to a pulp, laying in the middle of the ring.
Anyways, after complete madness, Jack Swagger managed to grab the briefcase for the win. It was about 10-15 minutes long and all hell broke loose. ***1/2.
HHH vs. Sheamus
They went a good ten minutes, HHH made Sheamus look good, then HHH outsmarted him at the end with the Bret Hart: "act hurt, then explode" strategy. HHH with the pedegree for the win. **1/2.
Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk
Now the idea with CM Punk is he's a guy who preaches the "straight edge" lifestyle. So he goes around saying you shouldn't smoke, drink, do blow, drop acid, etc. So naturally this makes him a bad guy. And what he has are two followers; this girl named Serena, and this big mofo named Gallows. And the stipulation of this match is if Rey Mysterio loses, he has to join CM Punk's group.
After about 10 minutes of fast, solid action, Mysterio got the win and kept his freedom. This implies that Rey Mysterio is a drug addict, I suppose, but they never touched on this. ***.
No Holds Barred: Vince McMahon vs. Bret Hart
So google "Bret Vince Montreal" for the story leading up to this match. What happened here was Vince comes out with all of the surviving members of the Hart family, saying they're going to surround the ring for this match, and Bret's brother Bruce is going to be the referee. The idea is Vince paid off the entire Hart family in another attempt to screw Bret.
Bret knew that Vince would do this however, so he told the Harts to take Vince's money and play along up to the start of the match. Vince, realizing that he's surrounded by about 15 people who want to rip his head off, shits himself. Bret attacks, beats the holy hell out of Vince (slowly, and understandably), hits him with a steel chair about 16-17 times, lets his family all take shots at him, then puts him in the sharpshooter for the win and finally closing the door on a 13 year unresolved feud. Match-wise though, only about *.
Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho defends against Edge.
Edge and Jericho were partners, Edge got hurt, Jericho picked a new partner and trash talked Edge the entire time. Edge came back, pissed off, and won the Royal Rumble, giving him a title match at 'Mania. He naturally picked Jericho as his opponent.
Match went about 15 minutes and was again, solid. After some heel tactics, Jericho hit Edge with the championship belt, then nailed his finisher, The Code Breaker, for the win. ****.
Then the Divas had a match. I didn't really pay attention.
WWE Championship: John Cena challenges Batista.
Cena and Batista have good matches with each other. They trained together and have mastered this new overall style the WWE has. The new style is that whole "high impact, yet safe; trade finishers until one guy has nothing left;" as opposed to the old style of "brawl through the crowd for five minutes, heel controls inside the ring for five minutes, face controls for five minutes, then a finishing sequence." This was the Steve Austin Main Event. Now we have the John Cena Main Event. And Batista is his best opponent because they can perfectly trade the impact moves back and forth.
So they go about fifteen minutes, hit each other with everything they've got, until Batista had to tap out to the STF. Cena wins the WWE Championship, ****.
Then Cena found a group of people in the front row, all with "I Hate Cena" T-shirts and he went and posed with them. I laughed.
Main Event: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
So the deal here is that Undertaker has never lost at Wrestlemania. He's 17-0. Last year, he beat Shawn Michaels. Shawn became obsessed with the idea of being the first guy to beat Undertaker at Wrestlemania, so he kept trying over and over to get the match, and Undertaker said no. So last month, Shawn causes Undertaker to lose the Heavyweight Title to Jericho, leading to Undertaker finally accepting Shawn's challenge. However - Undertaker makes Shawn put his career on the line. So we've got Career vs. Streak.
Last year, these two had a match that was ***** and probably the best WWE match this decade. They had essentially the same match, but it was still phenomenal. Undertaker hit the tombstone, Shawn kicked out. Undertaker stood over Shawn, told him to stay down, Shawn got up, told Undertaker to finish it, then he slapped him. Undertaker then hit a GIANT Tombstone and put Shawn down for good. ****1/2.
Shawn waved to the fans and walked off for possibly the last time, ending about a 25 year career. If this really was his last match, he went out with a great one.
Overall, this was probably a top five Wrestlemania. Tomorrow at work I'll amend this to figure out where it belongs.
These four are fighting each other for no reason that I know of. Show punched Morrison and got the pin in like 4 minutes. *1/2.
Triple Threat: Randy Orton against Ted DiBiase against Cody Rhodes.
So these guys all used to be friends, then DiBiase and Rhodes got sick of Orton and Orton thought DiBiase and Rhodes were jackoffs. So Rhodes and DiBiase attack Orton week after week, and this Triple Threat match is made for 'Mania. It was Rhodes and DiBiase beating on Orton for about five minutes, then they fight over who gets to actually beat Orton. So Orton kicks their asses, then he pins DiBiase after an RKO. **1/2.
Money in the Bank: Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Evan Bourne vs. MVP vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Matt Hardy vs. Kane.
So there's ten guys, all with nothing else to do on this show, and a briefcase hanging from the roof. The object is to use a ladder to grab the briefcase. Inside the briefcase is a guaranteed Championship match for whenever you want. Literally. Former winners have cashed this thing in after the current Champion is beaten to a pulp, laying in the middle of the ring.
Anyways, after complete madness, Jack Swagger managed to grab the briefcase for the win. It was about 10-15 minutes long and all hell broke loose. ***1/2.
HHH vs. Sheamus
They went a good ten minutes, HHH made Sheamus look good, then HHH outsmarted him at the end with the Bret Hart: "act hurt, then explode" strategy. HHH with the pedegree for the win. **1/2.
Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk
Now the idea with CM Punk is he's a guy who preaches the "straight edge" lifestyle. So he goes around saying you shouldn't smoke, drink, do blow, drop acid, etc. So naturally this makes him a bad guy. And what he has are two followers; this girl named Serena, and this big mofo named Gallows. And the stipulation of this match is if Rey Mysterio loses, he has to join CM Punk's group.
After about 10 minutes of fast, solid action, Mysterio got the win and kept his freedom. This implies that Rey Mysterio is a drug addict, I suppose, but they never touched on this. ***.
No Holds Barred: Vince McMahon vs. Bret Hart
So google "Bret Vince Montreal" for the story leading up to this match. What happened here was Vince comes out with all of the surviving members of the Hart family, saying they're going to surround the ring for this match, and Bret's brother Bruce is going to be the referee. The idea is Vince paid off the entire Hart family in another attempt to screw Bret.
Bret knew that Vince would do this however, so he told the Harts to take Vince's money and play along up to the start of the match. Vince, realizing that he's surrounded by about 15 people who want to rip his head off, shits himself. Bret attacks, beats the holy hell out of Vince (slowly, and understandably), hits him with a steel chair about 16-17 times, lets his family all take shots at him, then puts him in the sharpshooter for the win and finally closing the door on a 13 year unresolved feud. Match-wise though, only about *.
Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho defends against Edge.
Edge and Jericho were partners, Edge got hurt, Jericho picked a new partner and trash talked Edge the entire time. Edge came back, pissed off, and won the Royal Rumble, giving him a title match at 'Mania. He naturally picked Jericho as his opponent.
Match went about 15 minutes and was again, solid. After some heel tactics, Jericho hit Edge with the championship belt, then nailed his finisher, The Code Breaker, for the win. ****.
Then the Divas had a match. I didn't really pay attention.
WWE Championship: John Cena challenges Batista.
Cena and Batista have good matches with each other. They trained together and have mastered this new overall style the WWE has. The new style is that whole "high impact, yet safe; trade finishers until one guy has nothing left;" as opposed to the old style of "brawl through the crowd for five minutes, heel controls inside the ring for five minutes, face controls for five minutes, then a finishing sequence." This was the Steve Austin Main Event. Now we have the John Cena Main Event. And Batista is his best opponent because they can perfectly trade the impact moves back and forth.
So they go about fifteen minutes, hit each other with everything they've got, until Batista had to tap out to the STF. Cena wins the WWE Championship, ****.
Then Cena found a group of people in the front row, all with "I Hate Cena" T-shirts and he went and posed with them. I laughed.
Main Event: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
So the deal here is that Undertaker has never lost at Wrestlemania. He's 17-0. Last year, he beat Shawn Michaels. Shawn became obsessed with the idea of being the first guy to beat Undertaker at Wrestlemania, so he kept trying over and over to get the match, and Undertaker said no. So last month, Shawn causes Undertaker to lose the Heavyweight Title to Jericho, leading to Undertaker finally accepting Shawn's challenge. However - Undertaker makes Shawn put his career on the line. So we've got Career vs. Streak.
Last year, these two had a match that was ***** and probably the best WWE match this decade. They had essentially the same match, but it was still phenomenal. Undertaker hit the tombstone, Shawn kicked out. Undertaker stood over Shawn, told him to stay down, Shawn got up, told Undertaker to finish it, then he slapped him. Undertaker then hit a GIANT Tombstone and put Shawn down for good. ****1/2.
Shawn waved to the fans and walked off for possibly the last time, ending about a 25 year career. If this really was his last match, he went out with a great one.
Overall, this was probably a top five Wrestlemania. Tomorrow at work I'll amend this to figure out where it belongs.
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